Cops & Robbers
Surely, you are acquainted with the host with the most, Mr Fuckin Beck, knowin how to throw the show and have a shitload of goers in attendance. Everyone from Mos Def, the main Marcus, to my newest buddy was there, fuck, J-boy even came with his boy Keg, root beer of course. Nothin like good ol keg juice to get things movin, and movin, and humpin. Hip hop anonymous was outside, spittin with the keg, Pinkylayin the beat, orally of course. Pool was played on the same table women danced upon, how’s that for a good time?
Thizz hour; we circled the surface of billiards, it began with with a face like he smelled some piss, an expression than passed on to Eebs, and finally onto yours truly. By Thizz hour, everyone had just about drowned their livers in sweet, sweet brew juice, causing unprovoked protruding of the tongue, followed by further humping.
So, me, Laus & Pinky were in charge of sifting out the riff-raff and randoms that had slipped in under the radar, kinda hard when theres a fuckload of people. I did what any jolly green giant would do and grabbed the nearest elongated cucumber and came out a-swingin. As enforcing as me and my cucumber might have seemed, my tiny, tiny balls prevented me from sayin a damn thing to this guy, but then again Pinky ate and shit out this guy; we big, we bad.
I made some new fans that night, hell I even scored a pic with this cool chic, and of course, I said hey to my number one fan himself and six foot sixteen twin. Thank you for my time Brendon Beck, thank you.
– ****Jordan’s Comcast Spoof****
– Glow in the Dark Beer
– More Paper Art
– Gutted Xbox 360
– Old Tyson Video
– Asshole Mom of the Year Award
Summer Wind
It’s been a buncha hot days since I’ve my back fat has stuck to the sticky black leather of my executive night sky black office chair and poked away at my keyboard. Ten of these blazing days I spent learning how to water-ski, admiring geese, and pickin up hotties in the beautiful Lake Tahoe. This is my second time out there, first time was with eebs. This time definately had its perks, gettin to wake up to my girl on the norm, lettin the sun scar my corneas out of dreamland, I am my own biological timepiece, the corona, my alarm clock. Speakin of that lil relentless yellow blistering ball of heat, I, being of honkey decent, living in a body plagued by freckles, moles, and various other types of dermatological wonders, I am what you would call “prone to sun damage.” Being, 6,500 feet closer to the sun than in good ol San Mateo, might also be a contributing factor to why my skin pigment illuminates to a glowing shade of red, we can expect a full peel any day now. So a lotta days were spent out on the lake on my noble aquatic steed, the baddest of the bad wave runner galloping to speeds over 50 mph guaranteed to disturb the tranquility of my fine feathered friends…
I tried tubing a couple times, and promptly came to the conclusion that it was not intended for the male gender or any other halfway-gender with protrusive components, lotta slapping of the goods goin on… Julia did it like a G and made me ashamed of my testicles and assorted manhood. That girl is a crazy ass driver on that jet ski too, hurled my ass off it the first time we went on it, betcha wish I took a pic of that shit eh? Too damn bad Jack. This is a 14 ft long anaconda snake skin, I will answer no questions on the matter. This is McKenna burying my foot alive, and here’s a rare sighting of a bunny in twilight. Spent some days with volleyball superstar Katie Hurley, she’s a pussy. She’s 5’10, we shot the shit about living as giants among the dwarfs, she really wanted to make sure I put this picture online and I respect the wishes of my freakishly tall sister. She tried tubing and held on the whole time, and managed to stay afloat. Kudos. 
I ask you now, my undying legion of dedicated fans and followers : have any of you heard of a “Junebug”? Insectile, ball of hiss, teeth, talons, with wings about the size of Cahill, bigass fucker. One of those bugs that you can hear before you see god damn helicopter. Anyway, I spent this year’s 4th of July over there, peeped some superior works of fire, along with this fine flame thanks to Drew and his irresistable lumberjack skills we ate the obligatory yearly meal of hotty dogs, ribs, chicks, corn, steaks, the best eats I’ve had in a damn while. Big ups to chefs for that. So as the eve wore on, and the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air subsided, we treated into my 10-day home and watched in amazement as my ladies momma bust out her samurai sword and warn that she’d cut a bitch if the need beckoned. 
A buncha days were spent on the boat, I liked the boat, took neat pictures on the boat, and Katie sucks ass at trying to get on the boat. We went on a hike, saw a fat black spider on the hike, I also saw and tasted snow, and ya better believe I dint hesitate to slide down that ish along with Julia’s cousin Lucas who bears a STRIKE resemblence to the kid from that christmas movie. All and all it really was the best damn vacation I’ve had in a long while, pickin up hotties, so havin a hot girlfriend is pretty much the best times, even if I hafta help her groom herself
So since I’ve been back home, sweating my balls off, I have been the victim, yet again, of a malicious assault on my hallway. The culprits at large chalked the entire entryway, everywhere, and than had the nerve to leave their French calling card. Damn hooligans.
Had a few people over the other night, Pinky and me thunk up the idea to stuff a buncha modified Piccolo Petes ( fireworks ) inside this here computer, but than got sidetracked and ended up in the pool with Emily, and the lord of the rings, Ash’ms. At first I had those beezies right where I wanted em…The tables quickly turned, and I was swiftly kicked in the wall, she didn’t waste any time latchin onto my hand with her sharpass grill, check out my Emily bite, brutal eh? What Emily DIDN’T know was that I am quite skilled in the art of croc handling and went straight for her powerful mandible was wearin her like a glove. 
Than Bobs, Brandan, and Caitlin swung by. Ash put her painting on pause to braid Bran’s long ass hair, while Emily painted Bobs’ face. Than they both did me, reminded me of my time spent in juvy…Anyway, we looked awesome, and Brandon looked pretty bitchin himself with his newfound braids. So a couple hours later, when the fellas went to leave, the car wouldnt start, tried to jumpstart the thing with no avail, as if Brandon knew what the ass he was doin anyway. The Bobs sprung Colin a ring and within minutes, he had em runnin T-H-E fuckin END.
From now on I wont take so long to post, All Apologies. Check out the views gallery if your into breathtaking scenery and eye-opening sunsets.
– Bruce Lee Training Video
– Make Your Own Comic Strip
– Crates and Barrels
– Suction Head Man
– Typewriter Artist
– Scariest Dog Ever
And Heres To the Next 300!
Here we are, post number THREE HUNDRED, and almost three years after post numero uno still kickin strong, still gettin stronger bitches. It’s crazy to look back in the archives and read somma the crazyass jibba jabba I used to write…A year ago (to the day) I was tellin you guys to say “I won a math debate” five times fast and was giving “props to Shell Fish for turnin me onto Atmosphere,” damn how bout that? That was probably boring enough for you guys to read this first time :P. So anyway I take this time to share with you some of the funny / good time shit that made these past 300 news posts memorable:
Eebs givin props to the site – When my computer melted – My people – Pinky gettin gangbanged on his birthday – Matt being a penis for Halloween – Mattys Busted Paw – My Grampa – This Fat Girl – Trying to bend like Molly – Cool Hair – Cahill gettin his Liscence – My first car accident! – Dawkness’s first rape – My first fan-submitted movie! – Fu on a 100 dollar bill yall – Jim Campilango and I – Fruitball featured on big websites – My short stay with N.W.A. – That time I feel asleep in class and my friends drew a big stupid dick on my binder
Now you and I both know I left a lot out, it would impossible to do a full recap on more than three great years of NBHQ’ing, so I suggest you pay more attention this time around for the next three and beyond my bretherin and sistahly sistahs. I thank you all for the hundreds of great comments you all have left, I wish my arms were long enough to hug you all at the same time.
I am quite sorry it’s been so long since my last post, and I am quite sorry if this isnt quite the comeback you expected but its like lovin…It’s what I got. Went to the Pepper concert the other day, or week, or something :P. Pepper kicks ass, they played “Bulls on Parade” by RATM, and even Smells Like Teen Spirit, that’s pretty darn cool in my book of whats cool and what isnt, and if you’ll turn the page you will find that your cool enough to be taking up most of my mind! See now im starting to ramble, this post sucks.
I wanna finish getting all the content up so when you click shit it does’nt give the 404 page, so I’ll try to get that up very, very soon. So far I got the lovers and friends page up that has a link to jus aboot everyones frickin MySpace. Added about 10 new songs to the radio, some good listening. As for the videos, they got featured on CollegeHumor and that’s quite cool if you ask me. And I got these up to, click em:
Well that’s I have to say, spring break is upon us, I am Cal Poly / Santa Barbara bound, it’ll be good times galore, and I’ll be sure to snap a few shots. Enjoy yourselves.
– Bush likes heads?
– Peter Griffin Soundboard
– George foreman goes fuckin crazy
– The Mosh Girl
– Crazy Keyboard Player
– Crazy ass who thinks hes a mermaid
– Haha nice picture
P.S. Happy Birthday Chuck
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I Cant Rhyme, Neither Can You
Happy Valentines days you stupid jerks! Up until this year this is a holiday that has always been dreaded by yours truly, this year was an exception got some very wonderful cards from some very wonderful people, the candy gram that never reached its destination made it all happen though ;). “I wanna get you flowers, buy you a garden, I wanna give you the sky to dive in” that’s for that special one :). Plus nobody I know got killed in South Central, LA, today was a good day.
Ok so before I get carried away with some holiday, lemme jus ask you this: Are you ready to rock? Cause I am mutha fucka! So after my late afternoon powernap, I was jus chillin with my dog while chatting with hot babe online, so much so that it made me glow! Anyway, pausing the babe chatting, I had to get ol tina equipped to handle the rain! I gotta say, she looks pretty damn funny inna poncho, iono why she got so pissy…
So the Grammy’s eh? Ehhhhh?? Yall see my boy Kanye jack all those trophies? Did you see when he grew wings? How many red bulls? And me and Eebs are in agreeance that he gave the most badass acceptance speech of all time “People askin me what I would do if I didn’t win this year…I guess we’ll never know.” Whatta savage beast! And I know you all saw mi amigos, the Los Lonely Boys, and I’ve been tellin you they’re good, and did I lie? NO! And if you are still denyin their greatness…than tenemos carne…
Man no one drinks more water and more milk than me..I go through 24 packs of agua weekly! Gallons of milk..cause thats how the big boys do it, strong bones, and watery bellys. It’s very possible that I may be craving this because I might be pregnant…im 16 years late! 🙁 …Anyway this is turning out to be one of those weird posts I spit out every once and a while..dunno if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Humm, you guys can send me an e-mail at [email protected] if you have some kinda cool thing you want me to post, or put on the site somehwhere..I gotta few ideas up my pants but not many, send me an e-mail bia. And Sign the guestbook, after you comment of course :).
– Dropkick the punks!
– Courtney Loves Schedule
– Easy Bake Oven for your computer!