Cmon Party People
Greetings and salutations to you all, I apologize I’ve gone through quite spell of blogger’s block partly because I didn’t have the time and partly because if someone were to ask me what I did last weekend my reply would probably be a dull and blank one. No longer is this the case. And so it begins:
A few weeks ago, back when I had a girlfriend and 2 jobs to occupy my time, basically slaving away at the daily grind for dollars that made little sense. My chance for escape came when my dear pal Ian hatched a plan for us to go stay visit Ash’ms, Christa Ryder and the new love of my life / Ashley’s boyfriend Daren Smilie. Needless to say the very prospect of these tentative arrangements solidifying into weekend plans was enough to send me into a heightened state of arousal. Ian and I hit the road at damn the ungodly hour of 5:30 A.M. embarking on what would turn into an 8 hour ass-falling-asleep-fest complete with sing along emo music audible throughout the rear speakers only, cause most the time if I have to listen to that shit at all thats how I like it, faint and kinda shaky. So prior to the trip people advised me to be wary of the smog polluted skies of LA and not to get arrested in Mexico, heres a pic of the gorgeous Los Angeles sky you can almost make out a plane in the background or maybe its just fecal matter I don’t know.
Maybe three or four hours into the epic journey I managed to catch some winks while sitting fully erect with my fuckin arm at a 45 degree angle and evidently Ian thought this was some majorly entertaining shit. The unpleasant aftermath of my sunbaked napping was a gnarly ass half farmer tan on my right arm that without the administering of the soothing aloe via Christa could have fucked up my days. I’d say the highlight of our excursion was the night spent in Tijuana where Mr. Cuervo and I made friends and he introduced me to his rowdy cousin the “Adios Motherfucker”, truly a lovely family all in all.
The next memorable excursion for yours truly was my time spent over at the lovely University of San Francisco with lovely ladies ingesting lovely liquids and peeing them out in womens bathrooms. Ally, better known as A-face round them parts, showed me a time and a half. Showed me my first club experience (north of the border) where my faith in the Hyphy movement was restored. True it wasn’t anywhere near Tijuana’s Gropefest ’07, and true I didn’t take any pics when inside but take my word for it when I say the force of friction felt was enough to grind down my jeans to the threads. Beleee dattt.
In local news Hoesafe, Barry, and girl Joe all went the to beach a bunch of days ago. I met a 185 lb dog with a raging erection for
me. I was buried in sand. Life was made better when I saw my dear buddy Malchow at la casa de Gannon, played some beer
checkers and was shown the way of the shotgun, Ian and the dog ran a train on Umpy, and then we all ate tacos. Good night.
In Accordance With The Dictates of Reason
Saint Patties Day ’07 was a bit of a bust, despite my best attempt of being green and mean the night will be remembered as the night I failed to celebrate my heritage coming home with unbruised knuckles and as many brain cells as I left with.
The same can’t be said for the evening at lovely Courtney‘s. The boys and I warmed up at Umpy’s house as a prelim. Brotha dawkness did what he does best, and faced the consequences dished out by the vengeful homeowner. Luckily his penis shielded most of the blow. We walked the streets in the cloak of night and into the pad of Courtney where everyone felt the need to pop shots elbow to elbow in the kitchen. I was quick to assemble with the fellas and strike a quick pose for the room full of adoring womens. Compare this pic with this one. Things started gettin nutty as the night progressed; Dawkness tried pinnin the tail on the Jenny and Dylan seized the role of the noise nazi.
Then there was Sasha’s, my favorite Russian chic. For this occasion I felt it necessary to come dressed with my favorite accessory, enjoy that corniness. she looks cute as a damn button there too. I fair well. So I spent the majority of that night bleeding profusely from the crater of the once proud pimple I tripled sliced with my fuckin Gillette Mach 3 turbo emo pain expression device razor. Half a roll of toilet paper later I was back in the game, beads of sweat clinging to each one of my ass hairs in the kitchen. It even looks sweaty in that picture. Sweaty Jimbo balanced shit on his head. Adam hosed puke off Sasha’s doorstep.
So I guess I never posted to the world about the aftermath of bambi colliding into my Celica, well it’s still in the family and I picked up a 1990 Toyota Supra, white, turbo, 5 speed, targa top, with about 105k miles. So I rock that pretty hard, its fast, its a tank and I love it.
Quick, Go Put On Your Leisure Suit!
Between the everyday schooling, the Mon – Fri 7 hour days as Brady, Network Consultant extraordinaire, and my weekend title as Saver of Lives it’s a bitch to find time to cool out with the buddies, much less post about it. Seems like all the original gangstas are away at REAL colleges while me and Ian get our community college education at 8 bucks / credit. When I heard that Ally was home for the the weekend from SF State I pounced on her to hang out. Her reaction was less than enthusiastic, evident here, in this. When I wasn’t busy terrorizing pour Ally I could be found at 5story with Pinky practicing our Top Gun routine. RIGHTEOUS!
Got a chance to chill with Nat Queen Cole as well, talkin, bullshittin, laughin, throwin shit offa 5story, swimming back up into her birth canal, jus hangin out.
Jus last weekend I had the pleasure of coolin out at Umpy’s house, with the likes of Gannon, Josh, who reminds me of that dude from Half Baked who lives on the couch. It was a laid back night till Umpy caked a 25 year old attendee and relocated him to the kitchen floor shattering tasteful kitchenware in the process. I’d say that was the closet thing to an ol fashion cowboy saloon bar brawl I will ever see. After I sampled some full bodied Jamaican lager and successfully upgraded his router’s firmware I excused myself from the festivities and retreated to my car to begin the short drive home only to find my car enveloped in a new glossy finish. Not too many silkworms where I’m from so I figured I had been wrapped! Now I can think of far more useful applications for the wrap of seran but I guess Ian had other plans. With the help of Mr. Gannon I was able to get what seemed no less than 5 pounds worth of the wrappy substance from my car’s immaculate body. G’times.
!Feliz Cinco De Mayo, NO PANTALOnES!!!
I’m a little fuzzy as to the reason why we celebrate this holiday we call Cinco De Mayo, but I’m pretty sure it has to do with this and possibly the Horchata. I do enjoy my rice milk, that shit is bueno as hell. Anywhoo, my fifth of May (which means Cinco De Mayo in case your severly culturally and linguistically inept) brought me to the house of Harley with a chica in hand, and notice I’m the only cowboy bad enough to rock the party with my sombrero on head. The situation was a chill one, Umpy is the shit, and this image shall haunt.
The night was still young and Ian flew us over to Danas pad, who jus so happends to live in the middle of satans asshole, past 2 dimly lit roundabouts across some bushes, over the hills and far away. I gotta say though, once we landed and strolled inside the gargantuan residence complete with a stocked bar and Thomas the Bartender who I’m half sure must have come with the h ouse, I was impressed. There was a pool that I’m quite happy Alexa didn’t roll into in the midst of her fuzzy minded conditition.
I think the first thing I did when I got in the main room was to touch Travis. A couple parties ago I witnessed four girls lick each other which was supremely bitchin to say the least, so I guess you could call this tame by comparison, but still semi-bitchin. Ari was there, neat.
When Fejj is all schmoked out he spits some fairly boring shit.
In case you overlooked it, lemme tell you that my legion of hoes were also in attendance rockin the brandings that I gave them, that lil sticker got to second base with a lotta females I think. It was clearly on Dana’s mind. Ya’ll can’t do like NBHQ.
So as liquor gets hold of the head, liver, soul I found myself in a squabble with the host herself, she musta been talkin shit about my man boobs or something iono, but I took major and offence and reintroduced her to her own floor and you can plainly see my first hand bite of the night, but certainly not the last. She was sendin them kung fu kicks straight to the ball sack, someone must have tipped her off to my most vulnerable pressure point. When she tried an encore I caught both feet in my pecs and than began to tie her into pretzel, but she countered with the dreaded scarring scalp technique being sure to make a excruciating impact on each and every hair follicle. I retaliated and gave her the right to submit and call me Daddy or feel poppa at his meanest she opted for option be, and the smackdown was applied, I held back, remembering what happend the last time I really handed it to a lady, bad times. Wow…after reading this back to me I’m realizing how bad this makes me look…so…don’t tell your friends. I gave her a rose and we made up.
ZOLTAN!!!!!!!!!!
A couple weekends back I was gonna make a post about Geoffs Telly but my dear friend and life partner Hoesafe beat me to the punch and he did it better than me, go figure, you can check him out at his very own website Joes On Hoes, hot shit I do declare. A couple quick notations about that night though that hoesafe seemed to overlook:
Before I end this ish I gotta say happy 1 year anniversary to my woman who treated me to a lovely brunch / dinner on an island by means of a ferry. Oh what a GLORIOUS DAY. And thanks for not making fun of my falling asleep and drooling on the way home. <3