Month: December 2004

Thorn in my Hoof

I no longer like my computer, I am tempted to sell it and start on a new one. This box that I got has been nothing but trouble, I’m beginning to adopt Pinky’s theory that all electronics are haunted. I don’t know what the hell is this things problem, a faulty power supply? A CPU that jus doesn’t have the cache to push on? I don’t know and I don’t care, this thing is goin on craigslist as soon as possible, right on time for X-Mas so I can milk all the money out of some new kid on the block lookin for a suitable specimen to play his games on. Whatever, I don’t need all this power, all these lil LED’s, there bliding anyway. My anger comes from an event that took place only a handful of minutes ago when I was workin on a project on womens’ rights, ya know, getting in touch with my feminine side when *BLINK* The sonofabitch shuts off. Notta reboot, ohhhh no, that would be too predictable, instead the thing blatently spreads both cheeks and pinches my face with em. So what the hell am I supposed to do about it? I can only press the damn power button sixy jergin times! So how bout I flip the actual power supply switch off and than back on? Hmmm? Well that did the trick and I was back online thank god for that stupid bastard of a paper clip for saving my work without me control essing him. 10 minutes later, before I could put a period to my sentence, *BLINK*…

Well I got a
today, I think it looks stupid and short, like the guy from that show. I don’t know why im sucha hoe when it comes to my hair and I don’t know why my mom gives a goose aboot it. It was jus startin to grow on me again ( bow to my pun ) and than I gotta go and get it all cut up. Good thing I grow lika damn chia pet.

Oh and also, christmas is here, and it got sap all over my hands! Thats right ya little jerks, I got my very own Christmas tree. Ya see, for years my mom has been goin to the same lot right nexta Ross and Rite Aid n stuff, and every year the same pack of Tongans/Samoan gentlemen run it and think my mom is where it’s at. Now I’m never with her when she does this, but myth has it that she works the charm on these pacific islanders and slips a fat twenty in their sarongs or what not and with one swift contraction of their massive forearms and calfs we gotta tree in our minivan. And that kiddies is how momma claus brings Saint Nick christmas!

Aside from a tree my momma bought me 3 days worth of food, and wow I do enjoy my bite sized miniwheat. I also do enjoy this very much:

I’m Rich Bitch

Remember that video game survey I told you all about yesterday? Well today was the today it was to go down, so my dad and I hopped on BART and tardily locomoted into the heart of the city, keep in mind there was about 30 or 7 stops on the way, but not one interupted my sleep and when I did wake up my dad took this wicked awesome pic of our reflection. Oh and I took this pic with a nice statue. So anyway I got there, and headed 15 stories up into the conference room where I signed in and got my own cute little name tag I could stick on my kashmir turtleneck. There were a buncha dudes sitting around, a mixed bunch to say the least, big nerds little nerds, red nerds, blue nerds, all these nerds shared the desire to get home as soon as possible and unpause their Halo game. I had different interests, while everyone, and I do mean everyone was busy playin video games on their cell phones, I was stuffin my pockets full of pens, the nice black ballpoint ones. Oh and did I mention there were sandwiches? Lots and lots of sandwiches, nice ones, with bread. I ate the sandwiches, I even ate the eggplant one, I had never had eggplant, the eggplant was good, so were the sandwiches, as was the bread. So all the while, everyone was too damn shy to get up and grab a sammich so I was pretty much cleanin house. Yeh my only rival was this mom who came in, a real meat-eaters delight, this big momma had to of had optimal towing capacity, I mean she was heavy. Anyway she was breathin lika uhh…something that exhales more than it would inhale, anyway, no one was sayin anythin till I mouthed “Darth Vader” and that finally gotta rise outta those game heads.

So by that time the people were ushering us inside the table so we could get the show on the road. One by one these guys were promenading into the room, bein read off from a list, than the lady stopped callin names and shut the door, there were still about five of us outside the door. Than she says how they have more than enough people so she paid us and I split. How you like that? A hundred bucks for eating sandwiches and crackin jokes about Lard Vader! Notta bad gig.

I got downstairs in the lobby, suspiciouslly loitered around a bit, made the security guys sweat a little bit. They kept eyein me as if I had an invisible turbin on that only they could see. One of em asked me if I needed help, and I said no. Keep in mind I wasn’t tryin to give these guys trouble or anything. So I was about to reach into my jacket pocket to grab my phone and I sware one of made this frantic leap toward me shakin his head and lookin around, and said “Oh sorry, we can’t be too careful.” In some ways I felt thankful that the fine city of San Francisco was able to protect and serve me, but than again I also felt a little wet from the piss that was soppin up my socks.

My pops and I ventured up the street, and up what seemed like every street in the rain, past the lit buildings, past the “pain” sign all the way to a resturaunt called the “Stinking Rose” which, as all Italians know is a euphamism for the almightly “Garlic.” The cool thing about this place is that they make everything with an Italian-load of garlic, garlic bread, garlic chicken, garlic garlic, and I sware to allah they had garlic ice cream, no joke. They had cool chandaleers that were different at every table, and big gypsy mirrors. The food was good, but I knew by the time I got home I’d be sittin on “The Stinky Toilet.” My heart is gonna burn baby.

Got back to the BART station about 8, felt way later, my dad snapped shots of me reading and other stuff, you can see the whole series by Clicking Here

So that was my day, and now I’m 100 bucks richer, I might spend some on a new host so keep checkin in and tell me if you notice a faster, more spacious NBHQ.

Another super cool Xanga
This is for you girl
X-mas Flash Games
Mens Eyechart
Whatta bitch

Eatin, Peein, and Sleepin

Holy cow my apetite is ferocious! I’d spoon the hair off your back if I can’t mooch bita sammich offa somebody, seems like it jus started this week, but good fuck am I hungry. Maybe it’s the thug life I’m livin, maybe it’s the lifting, maybe I jus gotta fuel my belly engine. I eat off of a pretty diverse menu, takes me about two days to polish offa box of mini wheats, I eat like 90 carrots a day, and I eat big hunks of chicken before I lift, which in case you didn’t know, is the poorman’s protein shake. I drink a lotta wooter and milk and I pee it out very fast, like speed racer fast. Lifting is goin good though, I’m on the board for puttin 225 over my chest, and I was reppin 205 today, tommorow? Who knows, I may soon need a bra for these meaty man titties.

So I got picked to be in one of those paid surveys tommorow, this one is on video games, and they’re payin me a hunderd bones. Anyone that has been to my house knows the only video game console I got is the ol NES…and that’s in the garage…and my Mario cartridge got run over. All the while on the phone there askin me, “you have this game? do you like it? what about this one?” I’m suprised bullshit didn’t seep through his phone while I was sayin all of it, I’m glad it dint though cause I passed the test and dem bones are as good as mine. Only neg is its in the city, round 5 oclock, for almost two and a half hours, but hey thats still like…300 dollars an hour? I’m not really a math guy.

Speaking of math:

Jeff struck again in maff class when he whipped this beaut out for me, said it only took em 2 periods to perfect, sure is pretty.

Yeh so I forgot to mention my run around Lake Merced last weekend, and I also forgot to talk about my wonderful morning breakfast with my wonderful gramma, and you think I’m gonna talk about it, you got another thing comin…jerk.

Something/someone I will talk about is Jordan Freeda, I don’t know anyone who has broken shit as much as him. His latest break is in his arm, a compound fracture, busted in two places, needing two metal plates, anyway I was wrong, I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, but you do hafta watch this documentary he made about the experience.

K last thing:

And you can make your own stupid grilled cheese sammich face by clicking here

Worlds Smallest Website
Celebrity Lookalikes
Realtime Global Population Counter
Funny Foxes
Great Headline
Paparazzi Punchout
Half Asian / Half Gerbil
Lohan got jacked!

The Days

The Monday:

Cold today, cold yesterday, even colder tommorrow. Seems like no one was at school today, I wish I was no one :P. Anyway, I did go today, and ya know what? J-Boy did too! No one has seen this kid for days and days, and today I was thankful to see his gleaming yellow head. Did I mention he’s my biggest fan? Cause he is, I check the stats, if NBHQ were a house, he’d have a little doggy bed setup outside, John was a dog, he’d hump NBHQ’s leg, but hey, for all I know he doe’s anyhow. So lunch rolls around like Rosie O’donnel and I saunter on into my maff class, test day by the way, and this sub, who I sware to god looked EXACTLY like father time squalled out that an earthquake drill was taking place and that we all needed to find shelter under our desks! Now believe you me, this man took his drills quite seriously ever since the ol quake of ’89 which rattled the hair right off the bastard’s head, so while I played twister with myself trying to fit all my inches under the these pint size desks the guy’s barkin at me. Whatever man, as I told Julia (left)I’m jus not earthquake safe.

So Matty’s parents jus traded in there lexus…for a…new…lexus. This new ones gotta lexusload of tricks and gadgets not fit for my mind, dashboard mounted GPS, 6-disc in dash CD-changer, 16 gajillion watt stereo, heated/cooled leather seats, and the finale you ask? How bout a fuckin camera mounted right above the lisence plate, so when he backs up, you see whats goin on behind you without lookin in yer mirrors, so of course we had to take a pic of me tryin to put my mouth around it

So we drove that cloud over to Kairon’s pad where I laughed at his calendar, while I ingested the fuckin AMAZING flied lice he whipped up for me, Matt was content with his percimin, anyway I took one more look at the funny shit Kai had layin around his kitchen, and than we departed. Thats that, im goin to bed, post tommorow fo sizzler, sorry no “Morestuff” tonight.

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