Sexy Seven Fiesta
“Beer before liquor, never been sicker” was the theme that seemed to prevail over this eventful and chunks-filled night. It was to be a celebration of the Sexy Seven, a septuple group of elite females who each posess there own unique bit of sultriness and spice. The damn thing was thrown by none other than K-Dubb & Adam while it was held at casa de la A-Ryda. The night progressed through a blurry gradient for those who chose to abuse liquid substances and a series of colorful ripples for those who chose the inhalable substances. We played some dumbass drinking game in which you hold up a finger for everything you have done for example, in this pic Matty is holding up two fingers denoting that he has both received and performed a rim job. I brought my my pimp hat which really seemed to do the trick. Near halfway into the festivities, the liquor took hold and I summonded some of my super sloshed strength to hoist up some chicolitas and get a little man ass on the couch. This pic shall always warrant a giggle. Heres a dramaization of how I did at the party overall. FAILURE. Ash’ms got gum in Joe’s dew so then we went outside to talk about how it made us feel, twas an emo moment an a somber, bittersweet end to a crazy alcohol ridden night. This Irishman has learned his life lesson. All apologies to those who caught a hairy glimpse of my coinslot arse hole while I leaned on Amanda’s fence for moral support.
Click HERE to see all the pics from the Sexy 7 Party.
And heres a nice vid of Timmay & Rob Young cuttin rug after a visit with Jack Daniels & Capt Morgan:
Kiwis Can Party
Oy yay, oy yay, my wrestling partner / New Zealander / huge house having friend Dana hosted yet another magnificent rumpus on her lovely poolside property. Initially the mood was a tad sedate but then some sexually undefined females stole the spotlight displaying the latest and greatest in spit swapping tongue tagging techniques, a spectacle that caught the eyes and reproductive instrument of every onlooking male in the room. These ambiguously oriented ladies requested I keep their identies secret, sexy, and mysterious, but if you were one of the lucky fucks like myself who witnessed the steamy interactions, you can say that the mental images will outlast any digital representation.
Hoesafe disapeared about 1/6 into the night and was rumored to have been eaten by Tongans, I’ll have more on this as it developes. Christa was being emo for a minute, out of character to say the least, but then she got a lap dance from Dana that bent those curves.
I like how much Dana is smiling in this picture cause at this time she has no idea I pissed in her bushes and accidentally spilled a beer on her floor and ate her kittens.
Towards the latter part of the evening both exhaustion and the slimy hands of liquor were beggining to have visible affects upon me, Mr. Hyde made his appearance rearing his hairy ass and slurred charm at will. Anyway, big ups to J.C. & the holy spirit for blessing me with long arms.
Click HERE to see all the pics from Dana’s Houseparty
A S.A.D. Day Indeed
Senior activity is that surge of momentum that spins the wheel of time ever faster, and realistically, besides graduation that was probably the last time the whole senior class will ever be together again. I’d say that in itself warrants celebration and that we did. Buddy Jilly is shown here gettin CRAZY hyphy in the early morn. This pic tickles me cause it looks like Natalie is the baby and Ally is her hippy mother, Joe thought the same thing. Ian & I were bus buddies, (enjoy my snaggle tooth), I’m pretty sure the last time I was on a bus I didn’t hit my head on the ceiling, ahhh the magic of steroids!
In case you were unlucky enough to not attend or if you were even unluckier being a junior or under let me fill you in: We are shipped off from school to the park in buses and then unleashed to go run around, skate with no pads, jump,jump, jump around, be emo, THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!!
For the most part I was rockin out with my ass out and pickin girls up and knockin others down.
Then began the waterfight in which no one was spared, not even teh teachers. I’d like to think we did the community a charitable service of watering their park lawn with gallons and gallons of fighting water rather than saying Rachel poured bottle after bottle down my hairy asscrack.
Did I mention I went to this celebration sportin my highlands shirt representin the c/o 1999 5th graders cause I like to do it big at events such as these.
I must say those 4 and a half hours of water soaked grabass were some of the best and shortest lived memories I shall retain, it wasn’t two blinks later that we were averting the school provided buses and cramming ourselves into Ashley’s dad’s suburban, Ian’s expression is menacing isn’t it?
We got back to school right as it got out and the jealous juniors were gettin out after pushin pencils and sniffing ass all day with plans to head over to the beach to sustain our funtimes. Now I must place a tidbit of blame on myself for not protesting when the Half Moon Bay beaches were suggested and me, feeling how I feel about Half Moon Bay should have ripped out the larynx of whoever uttered its ugly title. As soon as we got in our cars and headed down skyline we immediately noticed our almost tropical San Mateo weather whither into a nipple raising Half Moon Bay climate. Needless to say we hightailed it back to Christa’s pool and I swiftly exposed my tots picked up sommore girls ate some pizza and called it a kickass day.
!Feliz Cinco De Mayo, NO PANTALOnES!!!
I’m a little fuzzy as to the reason why we celebrate this holiday we call Cinco De Mayo, but I’m pretty sure it has to do with this and possibly the Horchata. I do enjoy my rice milk, that shit is bueno as hell. Anywhoo, my fifth of May (which means Cinco De Mayo in case your severly culturally and linguistically inept) brought me to the house of Harley with a chica in hand, and notice I’m the only cowboy bad enough to rock the party with my sombrero on head. The situation was a chill one, Umpy is the shit, and this image shall haunt.
The night was still young and Ian flew us over to Danas pad, who jus so happends to live in the middle of satans asshole, past 2 dimly lit roundabouts across some bushes, over the hills and far away. I gotta say though, once we landed and strolled inside the gargantuan residence complete with a stocked bar and Thomas the Bartender who I’m half sure must have come with the h ouse, I was impressed. There was a pool that I’m quite happy Alexa didn’t roll into in the midst of her fuzzy minded conditition.
I think the first thing I did when I got in the main room was to touch Travis. A couple parties ago I witnessed four girls lick each other which was supremely bitchin to say the least, so I guess you could call this tame by comparison, but still semi-bitchin. Ari was there, neat.
When Fejj is all schmoked out he spits some fairly boring shit.
In case you overlooked it, lemme tell you that my legion of hoes were also in attendance rockin the brandings that I gave them, that lil sticker got to second base with a lotta females I think. It was clearly on Dana’s mind. Ya’ll can’t do like NBHQ.
So as liquor gets hold of the head, liver, soul I found myself in a squabble with the host herself, she musta been talkin shit about my man boobs or something iono, but I took major and offence and reintroduced her to her own floor and you can plainly see my first hand bite of the night, but certainly not the last. She was sendin them kung fu kicks straight to the ball sack, someone must have tipped her off to my most vulnerable pressure point. When she tried an encore I caught both feet in my pecs and than began to tie her into pretzel, but she countered with the dreaded scarring scalp technique being sure to make a excruciating impact on each and every hair follicle. I retaliated and gave her the right to submit and call me Daddy or feel poppa at his meanest she opted for option be, and the smackdown was applied, I held back, remembering what happend the last time I really handed it to a lady, bad times. Wow…after reading this back to me I’m realizing how bad this makes me look…so…don’t tell your friends. I gave her a rose and we made up.
ZOLTAN!!!!!!!!!!
A couple weekends back I was gonna make a post about Geoffs Telly but my dear friend and life partner Hoesafe beat me to the punch and he did it better than me, go figure, you can check him out at his very own website Joes On Hoes, hot shit I do declare. A couple quick notations about that night though that hoesafe seemed to overlook:
Before I end this ish I gotta say happy 1 year anniversary to my woman who treated me to a lovely brunch / dinner on an island by means of a ferry. Oh what a GLORIOUS DAY. And thanks for not making fun of my falling asleep and drooling on the way home. <3
