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Bay To Breakers : 2005

Woke up, got up near 7 O’clock threw on my runnin attire and BART’ed and MUNI’ed into the city con mi padre. For those unfamiliar with BART Train, MUNI Bus, and other archaic forms of public transportation lemme lay it down for ya illigits right quick : You have a tedious game of “tug-the-dollar” with the ticket machine till it shits out a lil blue ticket that grants you access to the BART train. I’ve never met this BART guy before, but I hope he knows people piss in his train and fart in his seats. As for Mr. Muni, he must be aware that some of his riders reek of P’tuli. Anyway, enough digression…We got off BART at a quarter after 8:00, which meant that we were 10 minutes late, years from the start line, and the Kenyans were prolly already halfway finished.

One of the coolest things about Bay To Breakers is the fatty tortilla fight ( video 7 mb ). This year I was sure to come prepared, oh and notice the bitchin NBHQ beater, custom made by my pops. Yeh thats right, my pops, slash running buddy, slash temp photographer ( he took all the pics this year, so if they suck it’s his fault ). After my 50 tortillas were hurled into the sea of runners like stones in a big smelly pond, I tried to penetrate the masses, and believe me when I say there was an assload of people, and by assload, I mean assload!, 60,000 easy. Everyone has bib numbers with mad digits, I was 39,361 and my pops was 39,362, the Kenyans had numbers 1-7…fancy that.

8:45 – we cross the starting line, tens of thousands of people in front of me, and tens of thousands behind me, including my dad ;). The first mile or so is really a crawl cause of all the drunkin staggering irish and slow batches that jus get in the way of me, Mister Speedy Gon-fucking-zales. Speakin of which, peep this broad throwin up the M-E-X, in yo face! Pope was there, he really is a down to earth guy, which is comforting to know cause…pope on a rope, thats why. Heres a guy on stilts, how bout that eh? Once again, my dad took these so… ;P. Once I broke through the “Human Wall” and got to the second mile or so I was makin some damn good time, passin bias up with the quickness, powered up Hayes Hill and carefully even ran down it, ( thank you to Eebs for the downstair training ). Mile 5 : I ran paste the buffalo in Golden Gate Park, thought I was trippin out after I saw a group of people in dead fish costumes dancing in unison. Gravity starts to push a little harder at Mile 6 and you can cook an egg on my tits, or hatch one in my armpit only to die by the fumes. After I saw the 7 mile mark I sprinted it, realizing that the Kenyans had probably finished half an hour ago and my dad was prolly callin a cab by now. And so I finished, came in 9855th place ( checked online ) with a time of like 1:50, but ya know…we dint really start till like 40 mins into the race…either way, my dad beat me last year, and this time round I beat him by half an hour and he got 19220th place. The student has become the teacher old man…

Went to Footstock afterwards, lookin to meet up with my LONG LONG lost dad, and grab some meat on a stick. Twas an eversweet reunuion indeed, poppa recollected seein some naked people and gettin the camera out to exploit and capture the beauty! He got himself a kick out of it, aint nothin but an old meng thang.

Kisses my stompers for gettin me through such a trek with minimal blistering, and picked some ORANGE flowers sweet like someone I know ;). Got on Mr. MUNI’s bus and headed home, to deliver some flowers ;).

– Crasy ish with legos
– Babes
– Kelly Osbourne – Big girl
– False alarm : Chappelle not crazy
– German Addicting Game – Submitted by Gio
– Click this for NBHQ