Man Laws

As men, we abide by a unwritten, informal code. This code dictates ethics, morals, and actions. Amendments can always be made to this code in accordance with the times and social climate. In the neolithic era, it went against the man code to borrow a fellow man’s polished stone instruments without asking, and when borrowed, they were to be promptly returned following the archaic task. What I share with you now are the contemporary, practical applications of the Man Laws and how they can be used and followed today.

1. Thou Shall Not avenge any wrongdoing of another by damaging his vehicle. i.e. Keying, denting, slashing etc.
2. Thou Shall Obey the “shotgun” rule within reason. The exception to the rule : if said company stands 6’4″ or taller the front seat shall be reserved with appropriate legroom granted.
3. Tickling is never permitted.
4. Thou shall not speak “ouch” as an exclamation of pain.
5. Whoever smelt it hath delt it.
6. If thoust has committed to an act thou must carry it out unto completion. i.e. Designated drivers, and the act of urination.
7. The duration of a handshake must never exceed the time it takes to say “anal penetration”
8. He who does not kick down for given meal is to be granted ONE exception in which he can dine with his endowed brethren, however once used the tightwad is to be ostracized from the dining scenario.
9. Gas money is never to be expected if the ride in question was offered.
10. The level of manliness is to be gauged by the amount of hair on the ass.