Month: June 2006

One For the Road.

It’s 3:00 AM. I am leaving for Tahoe in less than 7 hours, but I thoought I owed it to my legion of readers to pinch out one more post before the long journey. Now bare with me, I sweated out most of my creative juices in my hot ass batman getup, which I am way to ashamed to tell you how much I paid for… But you’ll be seeing me in a lot I’m hoping. I’m pretty sure that it was my first ever theme party, and this one was “famous couples”, as you could probably already tell, I came dipped as the caped crusader, and my significant other came adorned in a feline fitted attire, we kinda matched? By the way, it’s hard work carving out an upper body like that. As expected, we shit on all the other costumes, especially Thomas, what the fuck was he supposed to be? And then this, gay pride week doesn’t have rollover days homes. EPan. & CPan. get the second place trophy for the Paris & Nikki Hilton costumes. Sluttiness not included. I’m not sure what Alexa was, but…together we formed a turtle and she was the shell.

Combined, I think these guys were a smore, or a…yeh i dont know… Here we have the obligatory party butt shot in all its glory and… the pimp shot. And HERE we have the highlight pic of the night. Big ups to Meg for throwin the damn thing.

Sold Party

Well apparently this was a three-day extravangza thing that was goin on at Sam’s place, kind of like woodstock without all the mud and STDs (that I was unaware of until day three). If the two nights preceeding where any indicator on what I missed out on than I’ll slap my own ass cause there were fires, booze and tots. Plus Brad was there and was probably lookin for this all night. I don’t really know what the deal was with the “sold” sign, I think I can figure out how they got it though. Heres Christa’s bush. And heres me as a NORTE!!! or am I scrapper rapper. Who knows. That was pretty much the party…I think I stole someones bike that was laying in the bushes and rode it up the street, which was better than any warm beer.

Asides from bike jacking and sign stealing I have done my best to cool out with the brothers, car loads of em. Tonight I attend a hopefully bitchin theme party that I shall be sure to snap shots of, I intend on defecating on the competition when I come dipped in my flyest caped crusader outfit. Tomorrow I embark on a 2-week vaca with this girl to Tahoe so don’t expect a post for a sec bitches. Heres some links to hold you over:

• 50 worst video games EVER
• Jackass 2
• Fatties stay away from copiers
• Bicycle Driftz0rs
• Scary truth about scientology
• Big Bugs

Sexy Seven Fiesta

“Beer before liquor, never been sicker” was the theme that seemed to prevail over this eventful and chunks-filled night. It was to be a celebration of the Sexy Seven, a septuple group of elite females who each posess there own unique bit of sultriness and spice. The damn thing was thrown by none other than K-Dubb & Adam while it was held at casa de la A-Ryda. The night progressed through a blurry gradient for those who chose to abuse liquid substances and a series of colorful ripples for those who chose the inhalable substances. We played some dumbass drinking game in which you hold up a finger for everything you have done for example, in this pic Matty is holding up two fingers denoting that he has both received and performed a rim job. I brought my my pimp hat which really seemed to do the trick. Near halfway into the festivities, the liquor took hold and I summonded some of my super sloshed strength to hoist up some chicolitas and get a little man ass on the couch. This pic shall always warrant a giggle. Heres a dramaization of how I did at the party overall. FAILURE. Ash’ms got gum in Joe’s dew so then we went outside to talk about how it made us feel, twas an emo moment an a somber, bittersweet end to a crazy alcohol ridden night. This Irishman has learned his life lesson. All apologies to those who caught a hairy glimpse of my coinslot arse hole while I leaned on Amanda’s fence for moral support.

Kiwis Can Party

Oy yay, oy yay, my wrestling partner / New Zealander / huge house having friend Dana hosted yet another magnificent rumpus on her lovely poolside property. Initially the mood was a tad sedate but then some sexually undefined females stole the spotlight displaying the latest and greatest in spit swapping tongue tagging techniques, a spectacle that caught the eyes and reproductive instrument of every onlooking male in the room. These ambiguously oriented ladies requested I keep their identies secret, sexy, and mysterious, but if you were one of the lucky fucks like myself who witnessed the steamy interactions, you can say that the mental images will outlast any digital representation.

Hoesafe disapeared about 1/6 into the night and was rumored to have been eaten by Tongans, I’ll have more on this as it developes. Christa was being emo for a minute, out of character to say the least, but then she got a lap dance from Dana that bent those curves.

I like how much Dana is smiling in this picture cause at this time she has no idea I pissed in her bushes and accidentally spilled a beer on her floor and ate her kittens.

Towards the latter part of the evening both exhaustion and the slimy hands of liquor were beggining to have visible affects upon me, Mr. Hyde made his appearance rearing his hairy ass and slurred charm at will. Anyway, big ups to J.C. & the holy spirit for blessing me with long arms.