Gettin A Lot Off My Chest
Wow, it would appear the teachers have me and the rest of my classmates (of the same gender) by the balls as of late. I’ve never had so much ba-dunka-dunk junk to do in sucha cramped amount of time, and believe me, I got the cramps. Why they gotta cram me with this jibba? Why do they find it so utterly neccesary to cramp my style? Surely they know I have half-dozens of loyal and deserving fans that NEED to be informed jus HOW LONG my nap sessions are and jus HOW tight my educators are applying the vice grips to my testiculars…But uh, I’m hopin once I get past this “fart gust” of homework and “ass tsunami” of projects than it’ll be clearr sailing down shit creek. Also, please be informed that I absolutely LOATHE feces and positively DETEST mayonaise…That is all…Oh and I also tend to dot dot dot when I plan on filling space and bulkin up the word count so it looks like I’m writing more about cool stuff that really isn’t happening because I need a god damn poop-tube to stay afloat in this piss pool of school..fool. Wasnt that cool?
Your wondering why Sideshow Bob is shown in the top left in the conventional benchpressing position eh? So ya know how I have weight lifting as a class 4th period? Well now ya do. I’ve been hittin up that bench pretty hard lately, (among other things) started out the year strugglin with 185 lbs and now, 65 pounds and 3 G’s worth of anabolic steroids later you’ll find my name on the Aragon Bench Board for 2 5 0 pounds baby…It’d be nice to hit at least 275 by the end of the year and at least 300 before I graduate from this place. Now if I can only get to liftin dem grades eh?
Speakin of good time kick ass matters, I went to Celia’s, a fine-by-me Mexican resturaunt that meets all of my Mexican needs and than saturates them in the yummy yummy expand my tummy fried ice cream. My reaction? Wow. I thank the scientist community of the world for applying themselves for generations and unlocking the secrets on how to fuckin DEEP FRY ice cream…I feel sorry for the poor saps who might have lived their whole lives without being exposed to the technological advancements that those fortunate enough to be living today, can spoon down our lucky little gullets. God bless you Celias…Yo quiero tu.
Went downtown with somma my boys the other night, yeh Matty Ebert drove, and yeh we had pizza, and you better fuckin believe it was Pizza My Heart. No I didn’t bring my camera, but Allah as my witness I will next time cause you can bet your mommas southern can there were some powerful photo ops that the press woulda loved to get their grubby little hands on. Like maybe a movie of Eebs studdering and stammering than bursting into uncontrollable laughter, or maybe a still shot of Pinky flipping off a officer of the LAW, or the infamous shot of like fourteen naked girls makin out. You love it.
I went to longs and had about 75 pics developed that I had takin with my digital camera, which is pretty fuckin high on the kickass meter. I highly recommend that if you have takin, or been a part incredibly cool photographs, that you have them printed out, costs .29 cents per 4×6 and they are .19 cents if you buy more than 25, and 75 is more than 25 and 75 is 50 more than 25 therefore they are unequal. So what I got out the experience was, a loss of twenty three dollars and fourty nine cents, and not one but two bulletin boards fulla insanely badass shots of my lovers and friends. Rasta!
– Supersuit?
– Largest Humans Ever
– aqua teen carl soundboard
– pedros house from napoleon dynamite
– Make Your Own Boyband
– Free Ass Paste
– World Jump Day
– No Armed Swimmer
– My Friend Todd Morrison
And Heres To the Next 300!
Here we are, post number THREE HUNDRED, and almost three years after post numero uno still kickin strong, still gettin stronger bitches. It’s crazy to look back in the archives and read somma the crazyass jibba jabba I used to write…A year ago (to the day) I was tellin you guys to say “I won a math debate” five times fast and was giving “props to Shell Fish for turnin me onto Atmosphere,” damn how bout that? That was probably boring enough for you guys to read this first time :P. So anyway I take this time to share with you some of the funny / good time shit that made these past 300 news posts memorable:
Eebs givin props to the site – When my computer melted – My people – Pinky gettin gangbanged on his birthday – Matt being a penis for Halloween – Mattys Busted Paw – My Grampa – This Fat Girl – Trying to bend like Molly – Cool Hair – Cahill gettin his Liscence – My first car accident! – Dawkness’s first rape – My first fan-submitted movie! – Fu on a 100 dollar bill yall – Jim Campilango and I – Fruitball featured on big websites – My short stay with N.W.A. – That time I feel asleep in class and my friends drew a big stupid dick on my binder
Now you and I both know I left a lot out, it would impossible to do a full recap on more than three great years of NBHQ’ing, so I suggest you pay more attention this time around for the next three and beyond my bretherin and sistahly sistahs. I thank you all for the hundreds of great comments you all have left, I wish my arms were long enough to hug you all at the same time.
I am quite sorry it’s been so long since my last post, and I am quite sorry if this isnt quite the comeback you expected but its like lovin…It’s what I got. Went to the Pepper concert the other day, or week, or something :P. Pepper kicks ass, they played “Bulls on Parade” by RATM, and even Smells Like Teen Spirit, that’s pretty darn cool in my book of whats cool and what isnt, and if you’ll turn the page you will find that your cool enough to be taking up most of my mind! See now im starting to ramble, this post sucks.
I wanna finish getting all the content up so when you click shit it does’nt give the 404 page, so I’ll try to get that up very, very soon. So far I got the lovers and friends page up that has a link to jus aboot everyones frickin MySpace. Added about 10 new songs to the radio, some good listening. As for the videos, they got featured on CollegeHumor and that’s quite cool if you ask me. And I got these up to, click em:
Well that’s I have to say, spring break is upon us, I am Cal Poly / Santa Barbara bound, it’ll be good times galore, and I’ll be sure to snap a few shots. Enjoy yourselves.
– Bush likes heads?
– Peter Griffin Soundboard
– George foreman goes fuckin crazy
– The Mosh Girl
– Crazy Keyboard Player
– Crazy ass who thinks hes a mermaid
– Haha nice picture
P.S. Happy Birthday Chuck
Fer Sizzler
So this is the first post on the brand spankin new news script, lot more features, like word count, Antispam capabilities, and ya can’t forget this clean new look. I know it’s not totally stretched out, I’ll fix that when I fix it, but for now you can enjoy in all its squished glory.
So anyway, I felt that the bird was dry, but my wonderful Zia( who claims to read the site daily, and also threatend me if I posted that pic of her ) seemed to enjoy it. Did I mention I ate the dinner at my Nano’s (Italian for grampa I think), he can’t cutta bird like my Uncle, but boy can he inhale one. Dinner took way to long to get on the table, so I busied myself with creating a perfect boxing dinosaur etch-a-sketch drawing for which I received much praise and acclaim. I also ventured beyond the confines of my Nano’s “very expensive black iron fence” and into the vastness of his backyard Orchard with my other zia she pointed at stuff, I looked on, than I climbed up a tree By the time we were done with that jibba jabba we could see that the bird has landed and we could hear the angry spearing of the forks beginning.
Dinner was aight, once again those candied yams took the pie, hadda little coffee that tasted like cinnamon, made some funny faces with the cousins and maintained composure while the evil ankle nibbling shitdogs from hell jumped all over everyone.
So I went home with my Uncle William, he’s the good one, the one I get my height and positive traits from. Heez gotta flippin sweet pad over in Danville, hes got a flippin sweet workplace that he bangs buck with daily, complete witha warehouse of state-of-the-art audio visual equipment, server, and the 178 pound ball of tape oh and did I mention he has his own office…cause he does
First day there we took his batmobile-like Corvette over to Arioness Custom Motorcyle shop, where I was a witness to the supreme awesomeness that lay in front of me, they had some real nice stuff, I picked this one out for myself, but the prices were a little steep. Just for the record, my uncle is the shit.
So I took my camera to school on Wednesday and took some snaps and failed to post em before now so here I go!
Alex lookin funny in 1rst period science/physics class whatever it is, Adam flips me off, Alexa looks flattering between classes, Eebs makes “the face”, Evelynn looks hillarious, My boy Fahaad, John Ferrel with his blonde hair, Classic Grayson expression, John boy,Funniest photo I’ve taken inna while,
Leonard COX, Ricky, Kelsie’s old paperboy that got fired, Wong. And my pops sent me this portrait Allison did of me when I was jus a wee bia.
– Britney Out-white-trashes herself
– Aska Genie
– Holy Ode to Bob Saget
– Blatent Sexism is funny
– How to throw cards lika ninja
– Best MySpace Ever
– ALLAH ALLAHHHHH!
And Brady Said:
My heavens low but the songs the same
seems I’m always looking when I hear your name
you’ve been away but don’t leave this side
seen all of your faces you’ve tried to hide
Yeh it was a crazy party at Leo’s, yeah it was insane and dramatic, and thats more barf than I’d seen in a long time, thanks to reminding me what chunks looked like babe. 😀 Yes indeed. Well I’m not gonna say anything more bout what happend, if you think you missed out, I’m sure brotha dawkness will be havin another “get together” sooner than later. One thing I really remember bout that night was how much my friends were there. So before I go on I gotta give props to the following buds:
Meg
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you soooooo much for lookin after my girl, thank you for holding the bucket, thank you for reasuring the bajeesus outta me, thank you for makin sure we left ok, thank you for bein the great person you is.
Clinton
I don’t remember what you did, but I remember being hella grateful, cause you some kinda pimp Mr. Clinton, yes indeed. Yes…indeed.
Randy and Tom
The bouncers, thanks for offering your service, means a lot, thank you Tom for showing me anything is possible if you put your smoke on it. In case you don’t know what I’m talkin bout, Tom ripped the fuck outta the bitches jay till it was deader than the roach we lit on fire. And in case that didn’t make sense to you, lemme jus re-iterate, Tom repeatedly inhaled the marijuana cigarette until it was deemed “unsmokeable” by his peers. Randy who showed me pimps don’t need pimp juice or pimp sticks to have a pimp times. G’times fellers.
Anyway, that was Saturday right? Yessir I think it was, Sunday I got my axe back frerm me pops, and if you know shit about shit, you will notice that its a 1967 Fender Telecaster, kind of like the Marilyn Monroe of the guitar world, “beauty is timeless my friend.”
Now any sane person knows to stay away from the weirdo freaks in the jogging community who come out sportin the lemon-ish reflective from head to toe speed suit. However, I think I mighta one-upped those guys, cause I come home and see some kinda blue getup on my desk, so naturally I try it on, and proclaim myself : BLUE BULLET!!
Yeah enough of that jibba jabba. Now I gots to give yas what yall dun been waitin for. Matthew Eberts Hella Crazy Car Crash.
Cruisin down the alameda in his ’04
jockin the jocks and gropin his friend moes
he was goin to Brady’s to get the scoop, with his apparatus on the side of his hoop
but den, but den he dun HELLA flipped his shit
g’lord, g’luck that his friggin paw was the only thing he hella hit
good thing he had the good insurance and is invulnerable to being scammed
too bad this fatty truck was the one thing he rammed
Yeh, and jus so ya’ll be knowin, wasnt my boy Eeb’s drivin the automobile that was clearly decimated, twas his boy, who is my boy through the great chain of being…Anyhizzle, their both ok, but the cars still in the hospital. And thats the end of that chapter.
