18 rly? ya.
Well first, second, and third of all, I’m 18 so expect a sharp revenue increase for porno, lotto tickets, and low quality hotel rooms! An ample reception was held at my grammas, complete with a coconut cake shaped like a shitting dog, a clown, and a birthday strangle from Pinky. Brosef and Hoesafe paid their respects to me by having me waken up, and lured into the front room, before me stood a 50″ Plasma TV screen. My first thought was females, but both the E, and the A have traveled outside the confines of Cali and are doin their own non-community college thing…Whatev. Anyway, before I could come up with thought #2, a god damn nurse and a god damn fairy popped outta that box like fuckin Jack. A happy birthday indeed.
San Mateo County Fair jus came through this great town, Pinky & I made it a point to sneak in every night and rob the community of the 18 dollars a night they would have gained on a nightly basis. Fuck street upkeep. Pretty much every night we went, I ended up totally forfeiting any financial gain I would have made by emptying my wallet on 8 dollar mutant turkey hunks and orange fuckin juliuss that still taste like liquid orgasm. Basically for the week and a half it was in town, the fair drew me in every night religiously, every night the contingency plan for entry and possible escape got more and more intricate and not once did we have run-ins with the local carney watchdogs. 6’4″ stealth ninjas FTW. The rides were comparable to feces but we still haggled our way on them despite our lack of tickets or frugality (look that one up), the gravatron for instance relocated my bowels up into my esophagus as shown here. There were goats. There was PISS, and it was enjoyed in the name of Hoesafe.
What’s Been Up
I enjoy ping pong. I enjoy beer. Needless to say, I enjoy BEER PONG! I can think of no better way to test limits of human athleticism than lobbing a ping pong ball ( or in our case, a ball of tin foil ) into a little red cup. I have always been an avid spectator of this formidable sport, but on that fateful evening, I, alongside the mighty Chuck, made my debut performance after being brought up to speed by a quick tutorial thanks to Chuck. From lob one I was hooked and Chuck & I made a name for ourselves as a stumbling force to be reckoned with. The party that night was at my alleged twin‘s house whose brother, pictured here, was rumoured of penetrating the most renowned of manly organs with a cold steel rod. Yes, yes, the boy pictured to direct right pierced his own dork…did I mention he’s still in high school? Pretty crazy night all in all, although the playing of the Jenga kinda signaled the winding down of things…thus beckoning my immediate departure from the deadened scene.  I am thankful for my vehicle.
More recently I was at my girl Tory’s house who I have been friends with since the elementary school days. The party was satisfactory to say the least, even had a little kumbaya sesh outside and a real big fuckin fish inside. I was immediately greeted inside by a welcoming
boob grab and then there was Dana who grabbed my hat & attention with her mammory glands fumbling out of her shirt, Danielle, my ebony queen was there, she recently got her booby pierced, ya better believe she showed me! The Dubb was there, licensed to boss and blur vision with that flourescent striped shirt he seems to love. As the night went on my NBHQ hat that my girl got me circulated around the party from head to head to heads. This pic should cracka smile, everyones cukoo for GUY DONG.
My hula girl girlfriend (on the right) borrowed my camera for a week when she went over to Hawaii for water polo and in doing so forced me to do two things I never wished to do and probably never will again. Post anyones stuff other than my own & 
BORROW MY CAMERA so consider this me being a wonderful companion showcasing the works of mah luvah. Heres some butts which are pretty cool, but also a troublesome / possibly wonderful indicator of my ladies possible bisexuality…then there was Exhibit B, C, D, and fuckin E! Mahalo!
Batman Returns
After recieving some serious R&R up in Tahoe with this girl, this caped crusader broke out the ‘ol $50 dollar, once worn, already ripping batman costume and barely picked up Joe (and apparently damn near cried in the process.) Our destination was Geoff’s place for the dress starting with a “B” party, which was elbow to elbow, boob to boob with scantily clad womens. There was a bumble bee who couldn’t resist my honey. I cracked open a brewski with my buddy ‘ol pal, meanwhile Christa’s in the kitchen failing miserably at trying to suckle away at the sweet coors light nectar. I ushered some youngins out the door with my massive meat stick. ENZYTE FTW! There was also a lil munchkin who thought he could jus slip in the festivities unannounced and stealthily. WRONG! Threw his ass out, and then Christa & Amanda jacked his license plate, the munchkin was less than pleased. Cops came later after maximum occupancy was reached and exceeded. All in all…good times. Big ups Geoffrey.
Click HERE to see the slideshow
Matt Malchow. If Matt Malchow were a president, he’d be Babeberham Lincoln, if he were a dinosaur…Babe-o-saraus-Rex. I love this kid more than showers! He’s my boy for all times! I wanna have his and his towels with this kid. Anywhoo I have had the pleasure of kickin it at his pad the past few nights, spending time with these characters, and getting better acquainted with the infamous Labern and of course, plenty of Malchow. Ian’s homo erotic encounter of the night included frenching Matts solar plexus in a drunken homo stupor, it was such a release for Ian that he konked out right there on the floor, Malchow was so traumatized he took a shit on the coffee table.
The night proceeding, the same crew + new additions gathered around the table and spoke boisterous drunken fables, it’s not exact but I can aproximate that at least 47 thousand cigarettes were smoked during that 30 minute span sitting around that table, and as I type this now, feeling the second-hand tar stick to my lungs like day-old oatmeal, it was worth it cause I was with my buddy Malchow.
Click Here to see the slideshow
I’ve been doing some behind the scenes upgrades to the site as you may have noticed, like the Possibly Related Post feature which, at the end of every post, shows 3 similar posts that you might be into. I enabled Gravatars that show up as little pictures next to your COMMENTS that you should always be leaving. I also implemented a skin switching system that allows you to change NBHQ.NET’s look and feel with jus a single click. Expect more upgrades and posts daily.
Kiwis Can Party
Oy yay, oy yay, my wrestling partner / New Zealander / huge house having friend Dana hosted yet another magnificent rumpus on her lovely poolside property. Initially the mood was a tad sedate but then some sexually undefined females stole the spotlight displaying the latest and greatest in spit swapping tongue tagging techniques, a spectacle that caught the eyes and reproductive instrument of every onlooking male in the room. These ambiguously oriented ladies requested I keep their identies secret, sexy, and mysterious, but if you were one of the lucky fucks like myself who witnessed the steamy interactions, you can say that the mental images will outlast any digital representation.
Hoesafe disapeared about 1/6 into the night and was rumored to have been eaten by Tongans, I’ll have more on this as it developes. Christa was being emo for a minute, out of character to say the least, but then she got a lap dance from Dana that bent those curves.
I like how much Dana is smiling in this picture cause at this time she has no idea I pissed in her bushes and accidentally spilled a beer on her floor and ate her kittens.
Towards the latter part of the evening both exhaustion and the slimy hands of liquor were beggining to have visible affects upon me, Mr. Hyde made his appearance rearing his hairy ass and slurred charm at will. Anyway, big ups to J.C. & the holy spirit for blessing me with long arms.
Click HERE to see all the pics from Dana’s Houseparty