Remember Whens
Mario Soda – I’ve spent nights tossing and turning trying to remember this stuff. From what I can recollect, this was the nectar of the gods, the cream of the crop, the king of swing, the colossus of clout, the mac daddy of sugary carbonated beverages. You got Mario Punch (amazing), Luigi Berry, Yoshi Apple (breathtaking), & Princess Cherry (paint thinner). I would suck these down and lick the cans after when I was a wee lad livin in the early 90’s. I wanna know how many of you out there have had the pleasure of sippin chode sized novelty nintendo soda.
Salute Your Muthafuckin Shorts : Reminisce with me wont you? Back to when the summers were filled with Nickolodeon and Stick Stickly…Back when quality programming dominated the Nick Network, when mullet-rocking characters like Zeke stole the hearts of adoring preteen girls. And who could forget Donkey Lips, the lovable fat fuck with a speech impediment. I remember wishing to salute the shorts of a certain female cast member (pictured in the middle here) but I bet that lurky camp counselor probably beat me to it. What stuck out most in my mind was the dreaded Awful Waffle..the sticky tradition that entailed the victim sprawled out with his midriff exposed and than received a belly button full of maple syrup. Good stuff.
Batman Returns
After recieving some serious R&R up in Tahoe with this girl, this caped crusader broke out the ‘ol $50 dollar, once worn, already ripping batman costume and barely picked up Joe (and apparently damn near cried in the process.) Our destination was Geoff’s place for the dress starting with a “B” party, which was elbow to elbow, boob to boob with scantily clad womens. There was a bumble bee who couldn’t resist my honey. I cracked open a brewski with my buddy ‘ol pal, meanwhile Christa’s in the kitchen failing miserably at trying to suckle away at the sweet coors light nectar. I ushered some youngins out the door with my massive meat stick. ENZYTE FTW! There was also a lil munchkin who thought he could jus slip in the festivities unannounced and stealthily. WRONG! Threw his ass out, and then Christa & Amanda jacked his license plate, the munchkin was less than pleased. Cops came later after maximum occupancy was reached and exceeded. All in all…good times. Big ups Geoffrey.
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Matt Malchow. If Matt Malchow were a president, he’d be Babeberham Lincoln, if he were a dinosaur…Babe-o-saraus-Rex. I love this kid more than showers! He’s my boy for all times! I wanna have his and his towels with this kid. Anywhoo I have had the pleasure of kickin it at his pad the past few nights, spending time with these characters, and getting better acquainted with the infamous Labern and of course, plenty of Malchow. Ian’s homo erotic encounter of the night included frenching Matts solar plexus in a drunken homo stupor, it was such a release for Ian that he konked out right there on the floor, Malchow was so traumatized he took a shit on the coffee table.
The night proceeding, the same crew + new additions gathered around the table and spoke boisterous drunken fables, it’s not exact but I can aproximate that at least 47 thousand cigarettes were smoked during that 30 minute span sitting around that table, and as I type this now, feeling the second-hand tar stick to my lungs like day-old oatmeal, it was worth it cause I was with my buddy Malchow.
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I’ve been doing some behind the scenes upgrades to the site as you may have noticed, like the Possibly Related Post feature which, at the end of every post, shows 3 similar posts that you might be into. I enabled Gravatars that show up as little pictures next to your COMMENTS that you should always be leaving. I also implemented a skin switching system that allows you to change NBHQ.NET’s look and feel with jus a single click. Expect more upgrades and posts daily.
A S.A.D. Day Indeed
Senior activity is that surge of momentum that spins the wheel of time ever faster, and realistically, besides graduation that was probably the last time the whole senior class will ever be together again. I’d say that in itself warrants celebration and that we did. Buddy Jilly is shown here gettin CRAZY hyphy in the early morn. This pic tickles me cause it looks like Natalie is the baby and Ally is her hippy mother, Joe thought the same thing. Ian & I were bus buddies, (enjoy my snaggle tooth), I’m pretty sure the last time I was on a bus I didn’t hit my head on the ceiling, ahhh the magic of steroids!
In case you were unlucky enough to not attend or if you were even unluckier being a junior or under let me fill you in: We are shipped off from school to the park in buses and then unleashed to go run around, skate with no pads, jump,jump, jump around, be emo, THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!!
For the most part I was rockin out with my ass out and pickin girls up and knockin others down.
Then began the waterfight in which no one was spared, not even teh teachers. I’d like to think we did the community a charitable service of watering their park lawn with gallons and gallons of fighting water rather than saying Rachel poured bottle after bottle down my hairy asscrack.
Did I mention I went to this celebration sportin my highlands shirt representin the c/o 1999 5th graders cause I like to do it big at events such as these.
I must say those 4 and a half hours of water soaked grabass were some of the best and shortest lived memories I shall retain, it wasn’t two blinks later that we were averting the school provided buses and cramming ourselves into Ashley’s dad’s suburban, Ian’s expression is menacing isn’t it?
We got back to school right as it got out and the jealous juniors were gettin out after pushin pencils and sniffing ass all day with plans to head over to the beach to sustain our funtimes. Now I must place a tidbit of blame on myself for not protesting when the Half Moon Bay beaches were suggested and me, feeling how I feel about Half Moon Bay should have ripped out the larynx of whoever uttered its ugly title. As soon as we got in our cars and headed down skyline we immediately noticed our almost tropical San Mateo weather whither into a nipple raising Half Moon Bay climate. Needless to say we hightailed it back to Christa’s pool and I swiftly exposed my tots picked up sommore girls ate some pizza and called it a kickass day.
Patties Recap
I arrive stag at Megs, the doors opened and I quickly see everyone is about 10 shots ahead of me, and this frickin CZIG chic brought her camera too, so my lil cam had some competition. I find this picture amusing because it kinda looks like Ari is getting his dork tugged. Heres my most heterosexual moment of the night, Nick Brady does not let men kiss him because he is gay, it’s only because I have run out of women. Oh wait, scratch that last statement, heres Drew on my nuts, literally. But I got some booby and booty shots to cancel that shit out. Enjoy that, heres a two for price of one shot.
In the midst of binge drinking and jig dancing, Drew and I took part in a push-up competition, and lemme jus say that lil shitbird can squeeze out a bunch, but once again my B-Cup beauts prevailed and I think that explains why he was on my nuts the rest of the night; as documented in the previous picture… I then took my PRRRRIZEEE, yehhhh suck on that COLIN ooooohhh yeahhh baby, got em done.
Here we have Meg aroused at the sheer presence of my automobile, and yes shes a big fan of my backseat, they don’t call me wide load for nothin eh? Back inside, the midnite cowgirls seemed to be aroused at the sheer presence of each other. Check this out if you don’t believe me.
The nastiest part of the night had to be all that fuckin cheese gettin passed around. Alexa. Ari. Fuckin madness I say, those American singles were not intended to be eaten or smelled by human orifices its no mayo but its god damn close. Lock that shit up and feed the key to Tina.
The story behind this lovely photo was that I inquired to the ladies as to the size and girth of my phallus, which, if you know me on a personal level is called upon as Nick Jr. Melissa doesn’t believe me, and suggested I put my money where my crotch is. I denied. But Alexa says I mooned her and scarred her corneas with my beastly, hairy, yetty ass. I believe it, hell, it made Zack pass out. Yeh he’s a better guitar player than I, which pisses me off, I bet Nick Jr. would win in a cage match.
All in all it was another succesfull night at Megs and in case I missed some pics, you can check em all out
here
Oh and lest we forget:
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