Global Fruitball, Big Sodas, Scary Chainsaw Movies, and Ping Pong
My boy Jeff made this for me in math class, kids pretty handy with writing utensils:
Fruitball, the badass game that started a revolution, finally, the gap between produce and athletics was filled! A new sport, for the people, by the people, using the people’s fruit! Well it’s gettin big now baby, rearry big. We are now featured on Alldumb, Jaggle, and TTR2 which are all pretty bigass sites. See?. So basically we got like 150 thousand more hits overnight, and I’m predicting more. Wowee!
Headed over to Eberts house last night for a little late night pong ping with the fellas. Well that shit was shortlived, Mattyboy went chasin after some female tail shortly after my arrival, and that was that. Took the remainin fellas back to my place, sipped on dis, watched the old version of Texas Chainsaw, and than they passed out. Thats that.
– Another cool MySpace
– Racing Limos
– A Cereal Resturaunt
– Balloons are dangerous
– Maroon 5 Sucks
– Aliens invading M&M’s
– Trippy Shit
– How to make a crappy website
– Bad Lohan Photo
Fer Sizzler
So this is the first post on the brand spankin new news script, lot more features, like word count, Antispam capabilities, and ya can’t forget this clean new look. I know it’s not totally stretched out, I’ll fix that when I fix it, but for now you can enjoy in all its squished glory.
So anyway, I felt that the bird was dry, but my wonderful Zia( who claims to read the site daily, and also threatend me if I posted that pic of her ) seemed to enjoy it. Did I mention I ate the dinner at my Nano’s (Italian for grampa I think), he can’t cutta bird like my Uncle, but boy can he inhale one. Dinner took way to long to get on the table, so I busied myself with creating a perfect boxing dinosaur etch-a-sketch drawing for which I received much praise and acclaim. I also ventured beyond the confines of my Nano’s “very expensive black iron fence” and into the vastness of his backyard Orchard with my other zia she pointed at stuff, I looked on, than I climbed up a tree By the time we were done with that jibba jabba we could see that the bird has landed and we could hear the angry spearing of the forks beginning.
Dinner was aight, once again those candied yams took the pie, hadda little coffee that tasted like cinnamon, made some funny faces with the cousins and maintained composure while the evil ankle nibbling shitdogs from hell jumped all over everyone.
So I went home with my Uncle William, he’s the good one, the one I get my height and positive traits from. Heez gotta flippin sweet pad over in Danville, hes got a flippin sweet workplace that he bangs buck with daily, complete witha warehouse of state-of-the-art audio visual equipment, server, and the 178 pound ball of tape oh and did I mention he has his own office…cause he does
First day there we took his batmobile-like Corvette over to Arioness Custom Motorcyle shop, where I was a witness to the supreme awesomeness that lay in front of me, they had some real nice stuff, I picked this one out for myself, but the prices were a little steep. Just for the record, my uncle is the shit.
So I took my camera to school on Wednesday and took some snaps and failed to post em before now so here I go!
Alex lookin funny in 1rst period science/physics class whatever it is, Adam flips me off, Alexa looks flattering between classes, Eebs makes “the face”, Evelynn looks hillarious, My boy Fahaad, John Ferrel with his blonde hair, Classic Grayson expression, John boy,Funniest photo I’ve taken inna while,
Leonard COX, Ricky, Kelsie’s old paperboy that got fired, Wong. And my pops sent me this portrait Allison did of me when I was jus a wee bia.
– Britney Out-white-trashes herself
– Aska Genie
– Holy Ode to Bob Saget
– Blatent Sexism is funny
– How to throw cards lika ninja
– Best MySpace Ever
– ALLAH ALLAHHHHH!
Cough Please
Got to go home early yessaday to get my annual physical, I know I’m not doin any sports this year, but hey ese, gotta keep up with the tune-ups eh? And who am I to pass up a prime ball feel from my soft-handed pediatrician. So I got home at about noon, right before everyone was in a mad dash to fill their noodle bins to the brim with hot wahwah, I was comfortably munching on my nuts before I went to my appointment, in fact I musta had myself one Shaq sized nut load, but boy do they stay with ya. So my physical was already, got all weighed and measured, the lady that did it musta been half-dumbassanese or somethin cause she marked me as 6’1 and 147, so they had to do it like three times, turns out im about 6’4″ 187 el bees bia. 20/15 vision, shitty/shitty hearing, disease-free, bitchin blood pressure, and I have a “cafe loe” on my right testicle, I kid you not. I might be spelling it wrong, but its pronounced “caff-ay-oh-lay” its like a freckle on my sack, and it sounds like something you order with extra whip. Gotta love my Irishness…
Well I had a wonderful weekend, went to Meg’s the other night, she made me spaghetti and let me drink all the milk I wanted, I returned the favor by makin her and the crew an artificially sweetend blended beverage, we all enjoyed it on her waterbed, while we watched one of Matt’s brilliantly colored national geographic tapes, whatta night, and my ladies even had time to pose in the middle of everything! Howza boot that?
Moving on to an entirely different topic, how bout politics? Kerry? Bush? Nader? Mike Ebert? This race seems to be aimed more toward actually getting possible voters out and to the polls, now keep in mind this is coming from a sixteen year-old slacker/highschool student who doesn’t really follow politics so much. Anyway I believe if either major canidate hopes to get any kind of following, they need to shift their focus more toward the younger voters, my generation, and what better way to appeal to the youngins than tigolebitties??
Yeah I got those pics over at CH, hope they don’t sue me :D. Anyway, heres some pics for your enjoyment:
That guy reminds me of my dad.
Dude in a scaryass MJ Halloween mask
Not sure, but she looks like she might be related to me.
“Lord Knows How Many Pairs of Underwear”
Well hopefully, hopefully this will be the last news post before I can put up the new layout. I’ve been workin on two, you’ve already seen one of em, but I’m not ready to show you even a teensy teaser of the other. But don’t fret Jackon! Looks like my computers a-runnin, so that means I get to violently discharge about 35 pics that I’ve been nippin at my own heels to show you!
Lets start with my birthing day eh? Did I mention some of my buds stopped by my place for some tasty treats! It was a gay time, powerful gay it was, filled with good company, good company, and even uncles who know how to chill! I got a lot of cool stuff for my birthday, like boxes from serial killers, getting pregnant(I’ll get back to that and even some cash money for a new computer. Which brings me back to the days, when Russel and I used to be such nerds, we would actually smoke computer parts. At first it was a hobby, than it really started becoming an addiction. Jeez keeding Franky, what you jus saw were actually photographs takin after my computer smoked itself, heres one more pic of it for ya’ll to ooh and awe at.
Yeh uh…remember how I said I got pregnant? Well to tell you the truth, I don’t really know if I am pregnant or not, because I haven’t gottan my period anyway yet, but…I have been sleeping with someone south of the border these last few days…hes Mexican, and ellos te llamos “Rocky”, he meets my size requirements perfectly, cause everyone knows the winner is the thinner, cause theres never a need to take his ass out to a fancy dinner. Anyway, I might not be pregnant I guess, all I know is I gotta pretty big belly :P. And…shiot, that guys a DOG!. Anyway, when Kelsie found out about it, she was a little shocked to say the least. I caught her trying to sacrifice him to el diablo! But that did no good sir/madame, if anything it turned the dog straight again, or maybe hes jus bisexual now cause I caught em checkin out my girlfriend’s tail. Anyway, the dog went back to my aunts, (did I mention I was only dogsitting?), and its a good thing too cause some of the neighbors didn’t like hearing the yelps bellowed from a 6.8 pound chihuahua, so they politely stated their views on the subject, so I politely set their house on fire.
So tommorow is my mom’s birthday, be sure to wish her a goo one, cause she likes the goo ones. Went to the mall with Kelsie, and my dad to pick up a gift for my madre. Before I go any further I would like to state that my dad entered and exited the mall wearing one of my old shirts, running shows (no socks), and testicle-adhering bike shorts that come up jus shy of the kneecaps. So on our way to Nordstroms to buy my mom a dress or somethin, I forcefully insisted we detour into the sharper image store, so I could sample all their shit before I don’t buy it. What can I say? Imma whore for those jiggly chairs they simply do wonders for my scrotum, and I think they’re good for the baby :D. So we got the dress headed home inna jiffy, cause Kelsie was gettin a lil hungry, needless to say, she dove right in, than she cut up corn dogs with scissors which I have NEVER seen anyone do before, and cleansed her pallete with a bittle litta softserve. Now in that last picture doesn’t she strike an alarmingly similiar resemblence to about about every piece of Japanese cartoon character ever fathomed?
UPDATE: Upon reading this post, Ruff from ruff-ideas.com thought it was so funny, he actually barfed himself.