Cultural Learnings of New Zealand for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of USA
I spent the greater (perhaps the greatest) part of July and August in windy Wellington, New Zealand shacking up with my squeeze (she’s 6 feet tall). Now it’s becoming more and more a rarity for me to venture out of my hometown much less my state, much much less my country. Needless to say I was somewhat unprepared for the 15+- hour lapse of time spent on 3 different planes each way with 3 different shitty chicken or fish dishes and 3 different shitty catalogs of shitty movies. Shit.
I suppose the payoff was well worth it.
So anyway, I write this for the curious worldly types who wish to get a gander at that which is New Zealand and learn of its Kiwi culture.
4. Kiwi’s like to drink / hit the piss.
5. Behold the renowned “Kiwi Big Breakfast“ – tried it twice, safe to say I’m definitely not yet down with the Kiwi interpretation of the breakfast sausage but I suppose I’m not as big a sausage connaisseur as some other people i know…
7. Kiwi birds, the feathered, flightless symbol of New Zealand lays the largest eggs comparable to their body size. Once juiced and strained the resulting product is quite bitter yet deliciously refreshing.
8. Blessed with the power of retard strength, even the sturdiest of Wellington’s embankments were no match for my American ass.
9. Order an ice coffee – receive this : what I perceive to be a mocha with 2 scoops vanilla ice cream plopped in. Fantastic.
10. Minus 5 Ice Bar – I’m into 2 drink minimums and spending 25 minutes in a -27 degree room comprised of nothing but teh ice. Ice formed from nothing but the natural artesian springs of New Zealand herself. Slap it on your checkout list.
11. What does not belong?