Fer Sizzler
So this is the first post on the brand spankin new news script, lot more features, like word count, Antispam capabilities, and ya can’t forget this clean new look. I know it’s not totally stretched out, I’ll fix that when I fix it, but for now you can enjoy in all its squished glory.
So anyway, I felt that the bird was dry, but my wonderful Zia( who claims to read the site daily, and also threatend me if I posted that pic of her ) seemed to enjoy it. Did I mention I ate the dinner at my Nano’s (Italian for grampa I think), he can’t cutta bird like my Uncle, but boy can he inhale one. Dinner took way to long to get on the table, so I busied myself with creating a perfect boxing dinosaur etch-a-sketch drawing for which I received much praise and acclaim. I also ventured beyond the confines of my Nano’s “very expensive black iron fence” and into the vastness of his backyard Orchard with my other zia she pointed at stuff, I looked on, than I climbed up a tree By the time we were done with that jibba jabba we could see that the bird has landed and we could hear the angry spearing of the forks beginning.
Dinner was aight, once again those candied yams took the pie, hadda little coffee that tasted like cinnamon, made some funny faces with the cousins and maintained composure while the evil ankle nibbling shitdogs from hell jumped all over everyone.
So I went home with my Uncle William, he’s the good one, the one I get my height and positive traits from. Heez gotta flippin sweet pad over in Danville, hes got a flippin sweet workplace that he bangs buck with daily, complete witha warehouse of state-of-the-art audio visual equipment, server, and the 178 pound ball of tape oh and did I mention he has his own office…cause he does
First day there we took his batmobile-like Corvette over to Arioness Custom Motorcyle shop, where I was a witness to the supreme awesomeness that lay in front of me, they had some real nice stuff, I picked this one out for myself, but the prices were a little steep. Just for the record, my uncle is the shit.
So I took my camera to school on Wednesday and took some snaps and failed to post em before now so here I go!
Alex lookin funny in 1rst period science/physics class whatever it is, Adam flips me off, Alexa looks flattering between classes, Eebs makes “the face”, Evelynn looks hillarious, My boy Fahaad, John Ferrel with his blonde hair, Classic Grayson expression, John boy,Funniest photo I’ve taken inna while,
Leonard COX, Ricky, Kelsie’s old paperboy that got fired, Wong. And my pops sent me this portrait Allison did of me when I was jus a wee bia.
– Britney Out-white-trashes herself
– Aska Genie
– Holy Ode to Bob Saget
– Blatent Sexism is funny
– How to throw cards lika ninja
– Best MySpace Ever
– ALLAH ALLAHHHHH!
“Lord Knows How Many Pairs of Underwear”
Well hopefully, hopefully this will be the last news post before I can put up the new layout. I’ve been workin on two, you’ve already seen one of em, but I’m not ready to show you even a teensy teaser of the other. But don’t fret Jackon! Looks like my computers a-runnin, so that means I get to violently discharge about 35 pics that I’ve been nippin at my own heels to show you!
Lets start with my birthing day eh? Did I mention some of my buds stopped by my place for some tasty treats! It was a gay time, powerful gay it was, filled with good company, good company, and even uncles who know how to chill! I got a lot of cool stuff for my birthday, like boxes from serial killers, getting pregnant(I’ll get back to that and even some cash money for a new computer. Which brings me back to the days, when Russel and I used to be such nerds, we would actually smoke computer parts. At first it was a hobby, than it really started becoming an addiction. Jeez keeding Franky, what you jus saw were actually photographs takin after my computer smoked itself, heres one more pic of it for ya’ll to ooh and awe at.
Yeh uh…remember how I said I got pregnant? Well to tell you the truth, I don’t really know if I am pregnant or not, because I haven’t gottan my period anyway yet, but…I have been sleeping with someone south of the border these last few days…hes Mexican, and ellos te llamos “Rocky”, he meets my size requirements perfectly, cause everyone knows the winner is the thinner, cause theres never a need to take his ass out to a fancy dinner. Anyway, I might not be pregnant I guess, all I know is I gotta pretty big belly :P. And…shiot, that guys a DOG!. Anyway, when Kelsie found out about it, she was a little shocked to say the least. I caught her trying to sacrifice him to el diablo! But that did no good sir/madame, if anything it turned the dog straight again, or maybe hes jus bisexual now cause I caught em checkin out my girlfriend’s tail. Anyway, the dog went back to my aunts, (did I mention I was only dogsitting?), and its a good thing too cause some of the neighbors didn’t like hearing the yelps bellowed from a 6.8 pound chihuahua, so they politely stated their views on the subject, so I politely set their house on fire.
So tommorow is my mom’s birthday, be sure to wish her a goo one, cause she likes the goo ones. Went to the mall with Kelsie, and my dad to pick up a gift for my madre. Before I go any further I would like to state that my dad entered and exited the mall wearing one of my old shirts, running shows (no socks), and testicle-adhering bike shorts that come up jus shy of the kneecaps. So on our way to Nordstroms to buy my mom a dress or somethin, I forcefully insisted we detour into the sharper image store, so I could sample all their shit before I don’t buy it. What can I say? Imma whore for those jiggly chairs they simply do wonders for my scrotum, and I think they’re good for the baby :D. So we got the dress headed home inna jiffy, cause Kelsie was gettin a lil hungry, needless to say, she dove right in, than she cut up corn dogs with scissors which I have NEVER seen anyone do before, and cleansed her pallete with a bittle litta softserve. Now in that last picture doesn’t she strike an alarmingly similiar resemblence to about about every piece of Japanese cartoon character ever fathomed?
UPDATE: Upon reading this post, Ruff from ruff-ideas.com thought it was so funny, he actually barfed himself.
High and Dry, Buffalo and My, My, My…
Well yer I jus gert berk frerm Tahoe, but first I gotta post boot some unfinished buidness.
First and foremost, summerschool is way over no more wakin up at the cracka crack of dawn (9:00). Lookin back on it, it wasn’t all bad, havin Randy as my own private chef was the shit, Big R’s got the talents. Although scarfin down jurassic omlettes on the norm does jurassic things to your cholesterol, I’m plumpin up quite nicely. Jolly good. Anyway, the last day of summa skizzle, I had my first babysitting job, the victim you ask? Little Whamo, I would respond. Now for those of you who haven’t been fortunate enough to make Big Whamo your aquaintance I would urge you to do so. But in case your skills of inference have gone like the wind Little Whamo is indeed the little brother of Big Whamo / Tim Swartz. The kids aboot three and a half, and didn’t stop moving for the few hours he was over. The solution? Whip out my old batman costume See Lil Whamo in action here (video).
So the same day Kelsie was over and I felt it necessary to give the gift of fruitball to her, and I must say, she looks pretty hot witha batting glove and bat in hand, and very dangerous. I’m sorry to say I don’t have any footage of the actual peach-bashing taking place, although you can take my word for it that my girl can blast some produce meng. Anyway, after about four minutes of concentrated fruitball action we had to refuel with a bagel (chocolate chip), and a cake. Three bites of the cake later, she had collasped on the couch, kinda weird how she sleeps in poses huh? 😛 Throughout that day my mom was actin a ‘G the whole time, gots ta be reppin 650 bia bia. Oh and if you notice her hand, we had to tape her fingers like that cause she can’t make that sign, har de ha ha. Oh and the hat you ask? Won that in Santee Cruz, at the Boardwalk, the ‘ol guess how fast yer gonna throw the third pitch, three guesses, and six bucks later, it was Kelsie who guessed the lucky 74mph and VOILA, the pimp hat was mine. **Forget what I said about not having footage heres da Sugah in action fakin me out (video) & swing anna miss (video).**
Ok so that was like three weeks ago I know, now lemme talk about the week I jus had in Lake Tahoe. Anyone who has every had the pleasure of truckin up to Truckee or bringin their sugar to Sugar Pine knows how bitchin of a place it is. The scenery is jus…(not to sound corny) breathtaking, everywhere you go your encircled by the immense woodlands and you can catch a glimpse of the crystal clear waters whereever you go. If you wondering where I stayed, rest assured (as I did) that our accomodations were more than suitable, and by more than suitable I’m talkin a 3-story cabin with TV’s in all 5 or 6 rooms, pool table downstairs, 3 decks, nice ass bathrooms, a deer head AND a trash compacter la cocina :D. As for the daily activities, well folks that all ranged from powering down Sugar Pine river inna inflatable raft to pretending to know how to wakeboard. Scopin stars wiff Eebs, jammin wiff Eebs, shootin pool with Eebs, doin it all with Eebs. The Barons were there the first day, so we gots to get worked at the table by Nick Baron himself. Yep, one thing that was a total trip aboot Tahoe or at least the wildlife, was the fact that there wasn’t a single squirrel, but the place was loaded with these lil Alvin, Simon and Theodre chipmunk fucks, and it was pretty crazy how many butterflies were outside chillin, Eeb’s theory is that it’s matin season, so the butterflies are jus dancin around till they find anutha supafreak to get down with. There were so many of these lil buggers around that some actually made there way in the house check out my video of em (kinda choppy).
It was my first time up therr to Tahoe, and I got a lot of firsts out of the way, like..1.) the whole thinkin I have the motor skills and/or coordination necessary to stand upright on a wakeboard being slowly tugged aboot by boat, it was cool anyway, and nah Eeb’s couldn’t get his 6’4 (and a quarter) ass outta the water either. 2.) I got to try buffalo wings, kinda weird how I’m almost 16 and my tastebuds had never been invited to the spicy buffalo wing party, thats the shame of the game meng. 3.) On our last night there I gotsta get my grubs on with some actual buffalo meat in the form of some gerd arse steak, but come to think of it, it was damn good eats the whole time I was there.
Another crazy dealio aboot Lago de Tahoe was the insane altitude and lack of humidity. I was NOT diggin that aspect of it, I prolly came across as the most jumbo spaz sportin nosebleeds, and …jumbo spazness. Oh and my doo! My precious hair, got all outta whack and got all straight & thin, prolly cause it was jus so damn dry outside than as soon as I step outside the car when we get back to good ‘ol Mateo it turns into this. Insane.
Overall I’d hafta say that Lake Tahoe with Eebs and co. had to be one of the most badass trips of my days, and bein there wiff my bro Eeb’s jus further amplified the bitchiness, and I think the only way to end a my 2 cents on the trip would be including this flattering photograph of Matthew Ebert knuckle-deep in his own rectum.
So that was than, and today is today, woke up as early as my dad was late to pick my up and haul me over to Tracy, CA to my Uncle’s pad so I could pick up this thousand dollar racing bike that I’ve been lookin forward to. On the way there we spotted this bloke on the road, and I instinctively tooka lil video of the wasian (white-asian-wannabe). Yeah and my cousin D-rel was therr as well cool cat if ya ask me, and my Uncle…well check out these pics of him in his dept of homeland security gear and try…jus TRY to tell me he aint the baddest mudda round dem parts. Yep, so we went Kayaking in the morning, and I went home with this bike crazy colors eh? I would concur.
Yeh so I hope your glad im back to posting, Pinky did his duty but I think its time he go on hiatus:
chillaxin
arry
looks like king nicky the kid is up in tahoe with some homies so here i am again fillin in after a hard days of work and fun now just chillaxin
after i get off work i go up to king nicky’s house to help russel out with nicky’s madres computer but if i havent maid this apperent than ill say it now….if its not nicks computer than the its unworthy of his attention so his mothers computer is as expected a wreck so me n russel try to spruce it up a bit and in doing that russel kinna pucked it up so naturally we leave after that happens heh heh, dont worrie ill go back tommarow . but any ways im in randys house and he gets back from drivin somwhere and he shows me these perty lil brass knuckels so i snatch em up real quick and i was off back to my humble abode
this is pinky saying
hastalamalaka
(sorry if i dont have any pics im only filling in for king nicky)