Ah yes Prom 2006, my first and last as a student of Aragon High School, a startling fact indeed. First and foremore I gotta thank Lauren (that’s the only picture I have of her) for helpin me pick out a tux to match my impeccable sense of style. Than I have to thank my mom for passing along her height genes, and pops for the bronzen tan. I rather enjoy how it took me less than an hour to scrub my grimey hairy ass in the shower, shave, apply generous amounts of deoderant and cologne and be out the door while it took my date 14.2 hours and she still forgot my corsage! Frickin broads eh? Dinner was served at my boy Adam’s house, I have found memories of that home of his. We enjoyed steak while I enjoyed thirds and fourths, and people ask me where I keep it all. When fully assembled we make a respectable mob.
And of course, as a respectable swarm of respectable individuals, we require an equally bitchin mode of transportation, when others went stupid, dumb, retarded in low riding second-rate limousines and yellow cabs, we went stretch, we went big with our stretch navigator luxurious to the max. We also had a robot like driver who we persuaded to answer to the name “Mario” because he fuckin should for 75 bucks a head. We tried to get him to shave my ass but he respectably turned us down. That was my first experience in a limousine and I must say, I was impressed. Mario sure knows how to treat a man. When we arrived in front of the Gifts Center in San Francisco, Mario came and opened our doors and winked at me and slapped my ass on the way out. Jay Kay. We were dressed to kill and ready to mingle. The crowd was indeed dense, and check out Juan there in the backround throwin up god knows what. Maybe he was pissed I was jockin his lovely cousin. Shhh.
So remember I told you fucks to vote for me for Prom King? Well, a lot of you did and you nominated the hell outta me, but a chill dude by the name of Jared Abbott beat me to it. Even though it was rigged and I demand a recount, it’s an honor losing to a man of his stature. Godspeed Jared. Maybe I’ll try again in four years when im a Senior in college and I can prey on some Freshman. That was for Ian. I hope he gets it.
In the midst of everything, the fantastic fab four made a reunion tour right in the middle of the dance floor and Ian endin up gettin his bra ripped and his dress torn, and his wrist bloody. I was responcible for the first two things. Dawkness Jr. went dumb cripple style. A slip-n-fall would register fairly high on my hilarity scale. LINDA BURNSSS! won Prom Queen, she reminds me of pochahontas in that pic. “Have you ever heard the wolf cry of the blue corn moon?” Disney trivia anyone? Anyone? Well..check out me and my queen.
The last song was played, the lights turned down low, and Mario was instructed “Yo homie drive slow”. Off to the Cathedral Inn we went, were we would drown our sobriety away, and prepare ourselves for a night of rambuncious merriment. OH SIX style. Bitches. Hella people had rooms so it was kinda like guess and check throughout each story, Lago & Alexandre denied access like a morally intact teenager. Luckily my guy was a little more loose on his entry policies and we came, we saw, and we mooched. He had a ass washer in his bathroom that under normal circumstances would have weighed much heavier on my mind. Thank god I didn’t have myself a seat.
These girls kissed, I enjoyed that very much. Very much. Than four girls touched their tongues in sweet wonderful dykish unity. I enjoyed that twice as much. I’m not 100% positive but I think Kyle is drooling in this pic and I think he fell on that beeramid shortly thereafter. But iono if that was before or after the “massage”. Charges have not yet been filed by the female receipiant. Meanwhile upstairs, Emily was in la-la land and looking quite funny in that pic I must say.
I decided to retire to Amanda’s room with the likes of Ian, Em, Ash, Christa and others. Sleep was not attained during this night and inspiration struck at quarter to 6 am when we those immune to the cold hands of sleep ascended up 4 flights of stairs to the heavenly plateu that was the roof of the Cathedral Inn. It was quite a view and quite a feeling, one I shall carry with me until I am old and my ass hair turns grey. That wasn’t my shirt that I was wearing, but I hope I didn’t nod off and forget a late night rendez vous with a illusive partner in the pisser with the ass washer in it. Hell of a view.
Breakfast was caught at about 1 pm the day following prom, the first meal in what seemed like years, I got me a meat lovers slam which sounds like a wrestling move for the Gay Wrestling Federation, and than ate Ians superbird and Ashley’s bacon when she wasn’t looking. Cause I’m meaty. I think Ian cried cause I stole his super bird. My bad dude.
Cheers to Prom. And in case I forgot to include any pics:
Saturday night was spent at el casa de Ash’ms in celebration of her 18th, I forgot her present and scored several dousche points, than Joe and me left early to get to Hot Import Nights but when we got there Joe and I realized that we got the date wrong, and the location. That upped our dousche score once again. So here it is 9:00 on a Saturday night rollin around in the Hoesafe Mobile with a lack of destination and a dwindling gas supply. Aint that a bitch.
Earlier that day I took my chic to a cave cause I’m hella romantic n shiot some guys take their ladies to dinner or a movie or somethin, I go the cave route. Baller.
So I figure all of you guys would pretty much take a bullet for my great website so why not show some love by tackin on this classy piece on your MySpace and / or personal webpage etcetera :
Ian and myself lost our voices screaming at the Aragon/Hillsdale quad in which our good ol Dons shat on the Knights in a 4-0 sweep. We brought the E+A along, but only after we waited for them to assemble, prepare, blowdry, and pose. So when we got their and found seats where we were packed like sardines, but it was tolerable cause we were in close proximinity with the coolest twins ever. It was a hellova game good enough to almost take up nailbiting, not quite though. E+A, try as they might they couldn’t keep my eyes from the court, see?.
Shit-on-Hillsdale and have a good time night continued with my first visit to Condon’s House. I dug. First of all, I came, I saw, I Pimped, jus to show the other dogs who humps the legs of bitches. I learned things that night,
1. Charles has a kidney of steel and a is pretty much immune to intoxication, and he could prolly kick my ass through a wall even if he ever was drunk.
4. NPC can’t handle more than one girl.
I’m takin a day off school tommorow and goin to the beach. Expect more killer pics and a post made of pure balls.
P.S. I upgraded the Photo Gallery, it needs a lot of tweaking graphically, but it seems way faster to me, lemme know what you think.
So I’ve been seein this lil list circulating around and around myspace like a venereal disease so I decided to give it to you. Keep in mind I have not written any of these so if some are rediculously lame, don’t blame me:
YOU KNOW YOU’RE FROM ARAGON High School WHEN …
1. No one wears red and black on fridays except the spirit squad, teachers, leadership and anyone else who wants extra credit.
2. You think the whole “Asian Mafia” that sits on the other side of school is a joke.
3. The administration says donï¿½t drink before dancesï¿½drink after
4. The whole Senior class is divided into 2 groups: The AP’s and the Partiers.
5. You’ve heard the story of Mr. Oling [the ex-dean] and his weed.
6. During lunch half the school is on myspace in the library.
7. The football field may suck but, our football team can whoop on yours…for instance Burlingame.
8. Half the school is under construction, but we’re all so used to it we don’t give it a second thought.
9. Seniors who want a parking space have to get there at least 20-30 minutes before their first class starts, and if you don’t…you just make up your own parking spot
10. Pretty much everyone walks down the halls with an ipod, ipod mini, shuffle, or nano blasting through their ears
11. People can be REALLY shady
12. You don’t really know what service commission is, but you all join it anyways because Mr. Valmonte is so cool
13. Youï¿½ve gone to Mr. Pickles on a minimum day
14. Upperclassmen sport the “S.E.E.E Crew” pins…but no one knows what they do, what it stands for, or why they would join such a thing
15. Freshman girls wear really short skirts even on cold days
16. There are literally like 200 people in the Recycling Club, but over half of them don’t even recycle (they’re really in it for the end of the year trip)
17. Looking out the window, watching cars get towed is a great highlight of the day in certain classes
18. The girls wear flip flops whether its warm or not, but no one thinks they’re crazy when they wear it on cold days because every girl does it anyways
19. By senior year, the class is so divided that in actuality you will probably only hang out with one person you used to hang out with since your freshman year
20. Your junior year is the shit if you’re not an AP kid; you’re life is HELL if you are
21. No one goes to the school dances, but everyone goes to Grid and Prom
22. Everyone thinks our school looks like a jail…and frankly it kinda does
23. There’s a fundraiser everyday at lunch/brunch
24. Everyone is obsessed with O.C, One Tree Hill, or Laguna Beach
25. Everyone wishes we had lights on our field, so we could get the real high school football experience
26. There’s not one single distinct style
27. There seems to be new people at our school everyday
28. You’re probably in the Key Club, Interact Club, Recycling Club, or all of the above
29. Literally EVERY single lock is black, you had to pay $5 to use you’re locker, and you don’t even understand why
30. Really the only cliques here are: the Drama kids and the Asian Crew
31. No matter, what you’re mostly proud to be from A-town
32. People talk about myspace like itï¿½s real life
33. there is always some kind of drama going on whether its yu or yur frends or someone else
34. Pple wear red and black almost evry day EXCEPT FRiday wen yur SUPPOSED to wear it
35. you HATE Hillsdale( NO JOKE ON THI SONE EVER ONE WHO NOES ME ME NOES I DO & THEY HATE ME LOL)
35. lunch dentention with Valmonte in HELLA fun theres alwais something ot laugh at!
36. youve said PEACE UP A-TOWN DOWN at LEAST once
37. the only rallies worth watching are the “Dance Rules” rallies but somehow you always end up watching each rally until its over
38. dententions mean absolutely NOTHING to you if you’re friends with Gabe and Josea
39. you are aware of the fact that your Dean was kicked out of school 5 times
40. trouble is forgotten if you can beat Valmonte at basketball
41. you don’t use “Mr” or “Mrs” in the classroom, you call your teachers/deans/principals/counselors by their last names
42. Allekotte gives you late passes
43. 4/20 is a special occasion and if forgotten, its considered a sin
44. u no u can get susspended 4 farting on sum1 !! LMAO
45. you own a pair of converse
46. your english teacher is a complete skitzo/psycho/ JUST WEIRD IN SUM WAY! CUZ THEY ALL ARE! BUT THERE ALL HELLA FUNNI!!!
47. you noe whitch teachers not to say “GAY” in front of
48. you kno what “the pyramid” is
49. “NO OFF CAMPUS LUNCH” means absolutely nothing to you
50. you hate p.e.
51. the announcements always have a way of makin`you lauff
52. yu go to club/team meetings just for the free food
53. the parole officer told you to cut class instead of getting in trouble for being late haha
54. you kno the security guards by name
55. you or someone you kno lives close enough to cut to
56. When they play music at lunch and mostly everyone is either dancing or singing.
57. When the office messengers come in during the middle of your class and give you your detention for cutting in front of everyone.
58. you actually want to come back when u graduate just to hang with ur friends at lunch hour adn no one cares.
59. Everyone knows we have the best dance team and they rule over all other schools and squads!! and the captian’s are always bitches!!
60. Everyone goes to the rallies to watch the spirit squad performances.. Rally commissioners don’t relly mean anything to you..
61. Whether you bring food to school or not.. you always end up in the lunch line buying crap for food..
62. You know what groups hang out where.. who’s in them.. and who they get along with and don’t..(WE GOT THA PERAMID)
63. Everyone either smoked before school, smokes during passing periods/breaks, or is about to go smoke.
64. IF U REALLY ARE A AHS PERSON U NO NICK BARRON!!!!!!!