When the fair comes to town, I get fucking overjoyed. Nothin greases my gears quite like a giant $9.00 turkey leg, 1100 pound pigs named Wilber, and these fuckin’ feet jiggler things! I’m not even kidding. As tradition dictates, Pinky and I get extra covert for the first or second night of the fair’s week long run and do our best to sneak in because we’re partly wannabe ninjas and partly just cheap punkass tweeners and we dont wanna cough the $10 admission. And as per usual it was a grand success and shortly thereafter we were reapin in the meat and enjoying the scenery. Dashowedoit.
I’m a little fuzzy as to the reason why we celebrate this holiday we call Cinco De Mayo, but I’m pretty sure it has to do with this and possibly the Horchata. I do enjoy my rice milk, that shit is bueno as hell. Anywhoo, my fifth of May (which means Cinco De Mayo in case your severly culturally and linguistically inept) brought me to the house of Harley with a chica in hand, and notice I’m the only cowboy bad enough to rock the party with my sombrero on head. The situation was a chill one, Umpy is the shit, and this image shall haunt.
The night was still young and Ian flew us over to Danas pad, who jus so happends to live in the middle of satans asshole, past 2 dimly lit roundabouts across some bushes, over the hills and far away. I gotta say though, once we landed and strolled inside the gargantuan residence complete with a stocked bar and Thomas the Bartender who I’m half sure must have come with the h ouse, I was impressed. There was a pool that I’m quite happy Alexa didn’t roll into in the midst of her fuzzy minded conditition.
I think the first thing I did when I got in the main room was to touch Travis. A couple parties ago I witnessed four girls lick each other which was supremely bitchin to say the least, so I guess you could call this tame by comparison, but still semi-bitchin. Ari was there, neat.
When Fejj is all schmoked out he spits some fairly boring shit.
In case you overlooked it, lemme tell you that my legion of hoes were also in attendance rockin the brandings that I gave them, that lil sticker got to second base with a lotta females I think. It was clearly on Dana’s mind. Ya’ll can’t do like NBHQ.
So as liquor gets hold of the head, liver, soul I found myself in a squabble with the host herself, she musta been talkin shit about my man boobs or something iono, but I took major and offence and reintroduced her to her own floor and you can plainly see my first hand bite of the night, but certainly not the last. She was sendin them kung fu kicks straight to the ball sack, someone must have tipped her off to my most vulnerable pressure point. When she tried an encore I caught both feet in my pecs and than began to tie her into pretzel, but she countered with the dreaded scarring scalp technique being sure to make a excruciating impact on each and every hair follicle. I retaliated and gave her the right to submit and call me Daddy or feel poppa at his meanest she opted for option be, and the smackdown was applied, I held back, remembering what happend the last time I really handed it to a lady, bad times. Wow…after reading this back to me I’m realizing how bad this makes me look…so…don’t tell your friends. I gave her a rose and we made up.
A couple weekends back I was gonna make a post about Geoffs Telly but my dear friend and life partner Hoesafe beat me to the punch and he did it better than me, go figure, you can check him out at his very own website Joes On Hoes, hot shit I do declare. A couple quick notations about that night though that hoesafe seemed to overlook:
Before I end this ish I gotta say happy 1 year anniversary to my woman who treated me to a lovely brunch / dinner on an island by means of a ferry. Oh what a GLORIOUS DAY. And thanks for not making fun of my falling asleep and drooling on the way home. <3
The NBHQ-cam made it’s way to the Aragon High School campus the other day, captured the incredible flying douschebag, not to mention an overly sedate Kyle thanks to his new whiteout habit which all the kids call “DubWhite.” Heartbreaking. This pic right here is what I think back to my bros in high school when I’m eighty and livin like Hef and what not.
Word on the streets is that my boy K-Dubb is gonna design the new NBHQ shirts, yeah I’ve seen what they’re gonna like, and yeh your torso is gonna beg to be covered with em. Please belee dat. Soon as K-Dubb shits the first batch out Imma start sellin em for like 6-7 bucks a pop whenever whoever. Except for Malchow. He can’t have one.
If your sick of NBHQ right now, your not alone cause it’s growin old on me and needs a face lift, with bigger boobs, and butt implants, and some big dumb fake lips for show. Expect a COMPLETELY new NBHQ.net comin real real damn sonofabitch soon. One with faster loading and shit that makes you pee in puddles. Also, the gallery is a tad fucked up at the moment, I’ll fix it, jus deal for the moment.
P.S. – Malchow WILL get a shirt I was jus kiddin 😛