Ah yes Prom 2006, my first and last as a student of Aragon High School, a startling fact indeed. First and foremore I gotta thank Lauren (that’s the only picture I have of her) for helpin me pick out a tux to match my impeccable sense of style. Than I have to thank my mom for passing along her height genes, and pops for the bronzen tan. I rather enjoy how it took me less than an hour to scrub my grimey hairy ass in the shower, shave, apply generous amounts of deoderant and cologne and be out the door while it took my date 14.2 hours and she still forgot my corsage! Frickin broads eh? Dinner was served at my boy Adam’s house, I have found memories of that home of his. We enjoyed steak while I enjoyed thirds and fourths, and people ask me where I keep it all. When fully assembled we make a respectable mob.
And of course, as a respectable swarm of respectable individuals, we require an equally bitchin mode of transportation, when others went stupid, dumb, retarded in low riding second-rate limousines and yellow cabs, we went stretch, we went big with our stretch navigator luxurious to the max. We also had a robot like driver who we persuaded to answer to the name “Mario” because he fuckin should for 75 bucks a head. We tried to get him to shave my ass but he respectably turned us down. That was my first experience in a limousine and I must say, I was impressed. Mario sure knows how to treat a man. When we arrived in front of the Gifts Center in San Francisco, Mario came and opened our doors and winked at me and slapped my ass on the way out. Jay Kay. We were dressed to kill and ready to mingle. The crowd was indeed dense, and check out Juan there in the backround throwin up god knows what. Maybe he was pissed I was jockin his lovely cousin. Shhh.
So remember I told you fucks to vote for me for Prom King? Well, a lot of you did and you nominated the hell outta me, but a chill dude by the name of Jared Abbott beat me to it. Even though it was rigged and I demand a recount, it’s an honor losing to a man of his stature. Godspeed Jared. Maybe I’ll try again in four years when im a Senior in college and I can prey on some Freshman. That was for Ian. I hope he gets it.
In the midst of everything, the fantastic fab four made a reunion tour right in the middle of the dance floor and Ian endin up gettin his bra ripped and his dress torn, and his wrist bloody. I was responcible for the first two things. Dawkness Jr. went dumb cripple style. A slip-n-fall would register fairly high on my hilarity scale. LINDA BURNSSS! won Prom Queen, she reminds me of pochahontas in that pic. “Have you ever heard the wolf cry of the blue corn moon?” Disney trivia anyone? Anyone? Well..check out me and my queen.
The last song was played, the lights turned down low, and Mario was instructed “Yo homie drive slow”. Off to the Cathedral Inn we went, were we would drown our sobriety away, and prepare ourselves for a night of rambuncious merriment. OH SIX style. Bitches. Hella people had rooms so it was kinda like guess and check throughout each story, Lago & Alexandre denied access like a morally intact teenager. Luckily my guy was a little more loose on his entry policies and we came, we saw, and we mooched. He had a ass washer in his bathroom that under normal circumstances would have weighed much heavier on my mind. Thank god I didn’t have myself a seat.
These girls kissed, I enjoyed that very much. Very much. Than four girls touched their tongues in sweet wonderful dykish unity. I enjoyed that twice as much. I’m not 100% positive but I think Kyle is drooling in this pic and I think he fell on that beeramid shortly thereafter. But iono if that was before or after the “massage”. Charges have not yet been filed by the female receipiant. Meanwhile upstairs, Emily was in la-la land and looking quite funny in that pic I must say.
I decided to retire to Amanda’s room with the likes of Ian, Em, Ash, Christa and others. Sleep was not attained during this night and inspiration struck at quarter to 6 am when we those immune to the cold hands of sleep ascended up 4 flights of stairs to the heavenly plateu that was the roof of the Cathedral Inn. It was quite a view and quite a feeling, one I shall carry with me until I am old and my ass hair turns grey. That wasn’t my shirt that I was wearing, but I hope I didn’t nod off and forget a late night rendez vous with a illusive partner in the pisser with the ass washer in it. Hell of a view.
Breakfast was caught at about 1 pm the day following prom, the first meal in what seemed like years, I got me a meat lovers slam which sounds like a wrestling move for the Gay Wrestling Federation, and than ate Ians superbird and Ashley’s bacon when she wasn’t looking. Cause I’m meaty. I think Ian cried cause I stole his super bird. My bad dude.
Cheers to Prom. And in case I forgot to include any pics:
Ian and myself lost our voices screaming at the Aragon/Hillsdale quad in which our good ol Dons shat on the Knights in a 4-0 sweep. We brought the E+A along, but only after we waited for them to assemble, prepare, blowdry, and pose. So when we got their and found seats where we were packed like sardines, but it was tolerable cause we were in close proximinity with the coolest twins ever. It was a hellova game good enough to almost take up nailbiting, not quite though. E+A, try as they might they couldn’t keep my eyes from the court, see?.
Shit-on-Hillsdale and have a good time night continued with my first visit to Condon’s House. I dug. First of all, I came, I saw, I Pimped, jus to show the other dogs who humps the legs of bitches. I learned things that night,
1. Charles has a kidney of steel and a is pretty much immune to intoxication, and he could prolly kick my ass through a wall even if he ever was drunk.
4. NPC can’t handle more than one girl.
I’m takin a day off school tommorow and goin to the beach. Expect more killer pics and a post made of pure balls.
P.S. I upgraded the Photo Gallery, it needs a lot of tweaking graphically, but it seems way faster to me, lemme know what you think.
May I start this post by informing you all that I type this on my brand new box, put together with my bare hands. So last weekend was spent with the boys: J-Boy and I-guy up at Russian River. We spent our time driving my momma into a tizzy gettin thizzy and sippin on that potent oil. Brandy was our poison of choice and we did what damage we could to our brain cells and kidneys lickety split, Joesef on the other hand showed his true womanly colors and coughed up his first swigthrough his nose, but hey, what do u expect.
Hope you enjoyed that stupid rhyme scheme and thats all the talking about Russian River that I can handle.
Last night I was working on this very post when I heard a rapping at my bedroom window, I knew without a second thought that it was Emily & Ashley on the other side…for months I have been the subject of their well executed pranks, everything from chalkings, to car saran wrapping to downright threats. This latest attack however, takes the win, lady pads covered in ketchup lined my walls…the pungent tomatoe-ey aroma was quick to suffocate any and all fresh air out of my walkway not to mention the visual atrocity of feminine hygeine products that have no place on a boys wall. I don’t think I am alone in thinking that had to be the nastiest prank of all time. Thanks beezies.
Ohhhhhh what a night it was at the ol Adam pad, the crowds had indeed gathered, I stepped in with E+I, we wouldn’t visit “A” till later that fateful eve. A party ketel of one was waiting for us, morale was high, and Clint & Iwere ready to rough a buddy up if they intended on breakin the mood. My brosef Ian seemed to be havin himself a time pimpin one girl after the next. Big ups.
This guy with the Citrone is my newest friend, and we both share a liking for the “west side.”
Plenty-o-females, that one on the left was tryin to tackle me all night. Fantastic. Heres the Wang, this was the only pic she allowed me and other press to take; she threatened to nun-chuck my balls. There were nice girls too though.
At some point we ended up leaving with our DD Emily and drove safely over to Ashleys , watched the ball drop through sinking eye lids, blurry vision, and slurry speech, and if that’s not attractive I don’t know what is.
I think it was about 2 in the mornin when we departed and headed back to Adams to take care of unfinished buidness, things were still a-crackin thugs were still a-thuggin, Beck was still fucked up and thizz faces were still bein thrown around. Thank you Adam, thank you.
I forgot to wish all my peoples a Merry Christmas the last time I spit somethin on this thing, I myself had a gay old time in Pacific Grove, chillin with some dogs my wonderful gramma and an uncle with a new monkey, oh and hey what do you think of hat?
I sold my computer so I write this on my moms craptop, I plan on building a new box soon enough, and when I do I will add a shitload of new videos including Dan’s Nipple Piercing Clip, Umpy’s Firebreathing, and the Drift Session. My babygirl gets in tommorow though, so consider me busy biotch.